http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycEIZ1NprZQ
Hi.. midnight..
A drunk message from here..
This talks that I'm telling now is a drunk talk..
I'm so drunk.. that I am not really of my mind and it's miracle that I"m writing my diary.
Just so shortly..
Today I headed for the work and after work there was dinner party after work as two of the colleagues were leaving..
They asked me whether I am joining and I was willing to go in for it as I wanted to experience such.. Those that I only got to see in TV of seeing the workers drinking at BBQ shops after their work..
Although I was a bit afraid of what's gonna happen but still excited too. Having to have such experiences... I find it now a treasurous one..
One thing most significant was this...
This guy... Can say he is my boss..
He suddenly started talking to me after he had few drinks..
I was drunk by then either. It was the first time me drinking the Korean wine, Soju and this was really way too strong for me. THis was abotu 18% and I can't take it after Itook like 8 cups of it...
He began talking too...
I was drunk..till I had so much confidence to talk to the two girls in the dinner. I shouted screamed. and said all the words and smiled unlike how myself..the myself that was hidden behind the curtain of the person I wanted to be..
This became much clearer with my senior worker's comment.
After havinga few drinks, he began to say the things he wanted to say about me..
More like.. things he wasn't happy about me... I could have been feeling hurtful or feeling unusual as... I didn't have much occasion where I got scolded by others or got comments about my attitudes for being bad by others..
But.. I nvr felt bad but more like accepting..
The reason is becasue.. I actually agreed to what he was saying..
What he was saying made sense... and that was somewhat I was meditating these few days..
Why I can't hangout with the guys naturally like how the others do..
Why guys do not like me..
Why I am not like my age but acting differently..
Thinking and thinking and that became a problem clearly
by the comment of my boss..
He told me I'm fake..
and he told me there are times where this works... where the bosses do like those fake comments people give as they like flattery... He told me.. He hates it.
He hates me doing such and begged me not to do it at least to him..
Being fake,, he told me he didn't bother listening to what I said as the words coming from me would only be a fake words...
He told me... He hates it.. and to learn to control it ... then I would become ... such great communicating person..
It was such clear solution to why I wasn't so freely interacting with the guys..
Guys all would communicate properly but I wasn't.
I was maybe acting way above my age... Trying to be like my role model.. Yoo jae suk..
Maybe. .that's not the clothes that suit me...
Another night for a deep thought..
But whatever it is
The conclusion is that I feel thankful for tonight
to get an experience.
Whatever they judge me or feel about me..
Because of today
I got such precious feedback
and got to have such important first time...
Thank you... Friday...
Goodnight..
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