Hi midnight.
Today. A lot of stories to be listed ... Today was a day to call it somewhat of hmm 80% filled.
This morning, mom woke me up when it was 8, thinking that I will be going to work. I did not tell her I don't have work anymore. I didn't want to let her know what was going on. At least... till I get a new job. And it also arose from the thought that mom would object to anything I will be up to. Left home after another fulfilling breakfast.
The first destination I headed to was the Samsung Service Center that was 30mins walk away. I walked to my destination along with the breeze. The weather was getting better each day. It made.. even a better day. The feeling that I no longer have to work at the clothing shop made it even better. Although the failure of making good friends during that part-time work still remaind as regret at a part in my heart. But! that can't stop me from moving on. Maybe..life is not about reaching a point called 'Success' but opening the doors of 'Success' one by one which is endless. I believe I'm on my path. As long as I'm learning, that's good enough. The habit that I had been taking is for 20 years, and maybe it could take another 20 years to get rid of this habit. But still, I indeed am improving and learning. That's enough.. Good enough.
The walkway to the Samsung Service Center was the same route as the library that I used to go during my 'O-level private candidate years'. It was another library from the one that I usually go during this hols. It is called Sunkyung Library and like the name shows, it is built by the group SK. Have a lot of memories in this place. I studied here for about four months during my pri candidate period and whenever I came back to Korea, I always used that library during hols. A lot more memories lie in this library. The walkway to the library is such beautiful. I took some photos on the way, that could actually introduce you what Suwon is..
The place I remember... All those memories lie in those pictures..
Walked the long way and reached the Service center. My mp3 player that I bought in 2010 spoiled. Even when I pressed the power button, the power didn't light on. The service centers in Korea is really well-built. Korea, a country that emphasizes on customer's satisfaction the most, the service center was really really well built. There were friendly counters, coffee and candies for customers who were waiting for the repair service and even computers for customers to use while waiting. After I gave my mp3 for about 10mins, the repairer called me up. He told me that there was nothing wrong with my mp3 player. He asked me whether I had tried charging the mp3 player and gave me some cautions and told me to press the reset button the next time. He wanted to charge the mp3 player for about 10 mins more to see if there is any signs and even asked me whether am I using a Samsung phone so he could have a look while I waited. I used the computer for about 10mins and searched about the poster that I saw while walking to the service center. It was called 'Move Dance' that taught people dancing tuitions. I wanted to do something.. I really wanted to learn something and do get valuable experiences from this holiday. There were several programs and I took down the number to give a call later on. Receiving back my phone and mp3, I left the place and decided to walk to the SK library. I had to reach Gangnam today for the interview at 3, so I decided to spend the rest of the time at the library, flashing back some memories too. While walking, I called the Suwon Permanent Education System that I had called a few days ago to enquire about musical program they provide during Jan and Feb. I did not take up the course as I thought it would be a waste of money if I will be missing the first four classes because of my work. But now, being a free body after fired from work, I was really really eager to take on the course. I enquired them whether can they ask the teacher whether I can be eligible to participate for the 'Performer's class' as the 'Beginner's class' was already filled. However, the person replied me that the teacher wants to have people who can take on the class throughout the year to be able to perform on June or late Decemeber. I was heartbroken but asked whether I can join other courses that I was interested, which was, Dance Sports. There was only 'Dance Sports for intermediates'. The beginner class was already filled but the person told me that as I am still at twenties I will be even better than those other people at the class. I asked about the age range and she actually told me that the youngest among them is at fourties. Dance sports, is not like usual dance we all know. It is like hmmm a dance that girl and guy make a partner and dance in a hall with combination of skills. I hesitated whether I should take on the course but the counseller told me that the teacher is twenties and he is actually a 'Dance Sports' player, and emphasized that the cost will be cheaper than any other place and the teacher's quality would be good too. Paying 50bucks for two months' of class was really cheap. I hanged the phone first and told the person that I will call them back later. I wanted to check out the price for the 'Move Dance' that I checked out at the service center. A man with the low tone answered the phone and the price range was really high compared to 50 bucks lesson, although this center had most of their students teenagers or twenties. I still couldn't decide whehter I should take on so I decided to postpone my decision.
Hwaseo Park
Hwa Sung
The place to secure all the bicycles for bikers. I was one of them during my retaining period... so much memories at this place...hoping to get a better spot...
A place where I rested when I was tired from studying... Sitting down at the bench, looking at the sky and listening to the sparrows chirping. Clearing my thoughts in here...
The lobby at the Library
The lounge
Study rooms in Korean libraries are separated
One step..two step... My memories..touching my heart... every step I took. The memories that lie within myself...roaring up from deep down... I walked around every places in this library... The digital room which was at the third floor besides the study room had moved down to the second floor where all the books are. I grabbed a seat and did my stuff which was to watch drama and read football articles. I slowly searched for the bus that went to Gangnam from here and watched a football match that was played yesterday between Korea and Saudi Arabia. As I was watching, the guy who seemed familiar came in my sight. Haha... It was him.. He was still here. There is this guy..who looks like a famous Korean comedian called Park Hwi Soon. Why I know him? Is not because we ever had any conversation. Hmmm. He was the usual member studying in the library during my retaining period. He was one of the people who came early and took like three seats for himself and studied. I liked him a lot at first just because he looked like the comedian. However, all this broke after witnessing an event. Nobody's supposed to take more than a seat and a high school student came to grab one of his seats. The guy's books were two seats away and the student took the one on the middle. He seemed enraged. He really seemed so. After a while, he began talking to the student and scolding him vulgar. The high school student in the end gave up the seat and he kept scolding the student. That spoiled my image of him. Until then, there was still nothing happened. But, this happened and all changed. As I was walking to the toilet this guy was in front of me. I have this habit of caughing really often unconsciously. I caughed casually and he was right in front of me, but my cough wasn't directing to him. He suddenly stopped and stood there. He seemed eneraged again. I don't know for what reason at all. He spat at me from the back. Although it didn't reach me. I could feel he was spitting at me. I quickly went inside the toilet and went insdie the cubicle to do my job. After like 10 seconds, I could hear someone shouting vulgar in the toilet. I was pretty scared although I didn't know what I did wrong. This became the start and whenever he saw me he gave me the killer stare and I always tried to avoid him. And today, I saw him again. Although we do not have greaet memories for each other, I was still glad to see him again. I hided myself like usual and kept an eye on him to hide my face.
When it was 12:30, I left the library to have my lunch. I went to the usual place I go.
This place, right in front of the library was really cheap and the food were all delicious. Took a seat after reminding the auntie what I would have. The atmosphere in here was different. Nobody was talking to each other and everybody was just busy eating. People inside gave some stares when there was new customers an that was all. Even the tv was off that made the silent even more distinct. It turned into an awkward place for people who came alone. Drinking a cup of water, I paid the uncle and left the restaurant. I walked to the bus stop, following all the photos I took at the library on the street directory. Along the way, I took photos of those view I see. All the views. that I would want to remember when I can't have them in my eyes.
if you can realize, most of the signs are new. They are all newly built by Internet research port, Naver for they help to channge the banner for free if the shop owners allow them to change the banner into pure Korean words. An objective, to treasure our words..
I took on the bus 3000. As this was a bus that goes through expressway, I had to pay twice the normal price. Only if I can get the job, paying this money would never be a waste. I took a seat at the back that had no curtains at the window to see the views. The views... views of Suwon... As the bus go here and there in Suwon before taking the high way to Seoul, all the memories that lie flashed back again.. My story in Suwon since I was born and the 13 years before I left to Philippines. The place where I spent the most time... The clear memories arose to make my heart beat.
Gangnam was on hand so fast. It only took about 30 mins to get there. I was suppposed to reach for the interview by 3 and I reached real early. It was only 2:15 when I found the office. Hoping that I will be able to take the interview earlier, I got into the office and told the person I came in for an interview and told my name. The lady responded and brought me to a room and gave me a cup of a tea. She told me that there is one more applicant taking an interview today so I had to wait a while.
A few minutes later, a girl came in with a noise outside. She seemed to have brought friends but only she enetered the room. I actually expected the applicant to be girl even before she came. I always get girl colleagues wherever and whenever I work. Always. This time was no different. She seemed friendly and nice person to talk to. Unlike other people I've met at work so far, she seemed to be open for talk and even asked me questions when the room was filled with silence. I first asked her about what this job is about as I didn't really know. We had a few chat and suddenly one huge man came in, seemingly a bit annoyed. As soon as he got in, he changed the seat with the girl as she was sitting beside me. He told me that he was her boyfriend even when I didn't ask. I realised what was going on and understood why he was reacting in such way. Having been there, as a boyfriend facing his girl and another guy talking, I could understand why he could be fussed up. I didn't bother and want to talk to the girl further. Instead, I tried to talk to the guy so at least there wouldn't be a room for silence. While we were chatting for a while, the lady entered in and she had the teacher's tone. She overwhelmed the room with her loud voice. She brought some papers, and those were the resumes we submitted. Then!!! I realised!!! OH MY GOD! I had actually wrote down that I will be studying in SIM from 2015 as if I'm already accepted. And forgetting that, I had already told the two of them that I'm waiting for uni application result to be out. It was such awkward situation. I began sweating and shivering. As soon as she finished reading the girl's resume, she began reading mine. I sweated most and begin to think exit plans.. like how I'm going to escape from here. Literally escape from the office. She used her finger and pointed every section I wrote. THANK GOD. Her finger on my paper swept down the uni section and read my summaries part where I wrote how many years I had stayed overseas. Ha... I sighed in relief. Next, she asked both of us to introduce ourselves in English. I had not much idea what to say.. She just wanted to hear my pronunciation. I talked in a low tone like how the atheletes do their interviews usually. The pronunciation should be fine but I was worried that I mumbled too much. Then, came the girl's turn. As she spoke, I was surprised that she didn't really have the Korean's accent. Although it was obvious that she did not have a complete Native's accent, her pronunciation seemed fine. The lady praised her that her pronunciation is great. I found out later on that she had actually stayed in Australia for about two years. After this introducing ourselves part, the lady didn't give a single attention to me. She took about the paper which stated all the job scope. The job was about event helpers who can speak English to guide the kindergarten kids through the events in English. As she was explaining each pages of all the papers, she didn't give a single eye to me. She only faced to the left where the girl was sitting at. I tried to change this phase of conversation by giving some reactions but I do not really like to give heavy reactions when we've first met. My principle in handling conversation is that, I begin slowly and wait for other people to slowly open their hearts too by listening what they say. Although the girl was not reacting overly to the lady's words, she smiled throuhout, unlike me, who had a poker face when she was explaining seriously. After all the one-on-one talk between the lady and her, the lady suddenly asked me whether am I always shy in front of other people. i mumbled again and she told me if I am shy to her, I will obviously be shy when I'm at work. She told me she wouldn't know whether both of us are going to get the job or only a person would get the job, she told us that she will get back before tomorrow. I knew she was saying that out of courtesy. She also asked how many times we can work... I wasn't sure of it as I thought she is going to allocate us. The girl said she can work all day. I was confused of what to say. Having to already screw an interview, I didn't know whether I should say frankly. I definitely can't work all day. I need to go for the 'Dance Sports' that I was going to apply which will be on Tues and Thurs, Sunday has to be spent for football and hopefully church and I need my own time for studies too. But, on that spot, having to have already failed the test, I told her I want all days too, thinking that anyways she wouldn't get back to me.
I knew I'm not getting the job ever since the time she only faced her and talk. When the person only faces a person while talking, that only means that the person has higher interest on her. I was heavily disappointed...but hmm the regrets part... I wouldn't know... I didn't know what was going on. I clearly had in mind to do well for interview as I had experienced that not giving my 100% in interviews would give me nightmares when I'm home. Then, I realised... interview.. this job interview..the impression matters..the first impression matters.. The employer can only decide to employ the person or not by one interview. You don't meet the person everyday to change an impression of you. You need a strong impression at this short while to show who you are... I wasn't aware of that... Sighing ... I called Jun, who I always look for whenever I feel depressed. He answered the phone and I asked him to meet up as he lived nearby. However, he was in the car travelling from Jeonranamdo to Seoul. He visited his grandma's grave and was combing back to Seoul. I told him then why not we meet up when he reach Seoul, but he had another surgery appointment.. This surgery monster. He asked me if I have any moles to take out, as he was going to take out the mole that was on his cheek. He is totally changing into a new human. He changed his name when he was in pri school, and now he is changing his whole face. I hope I wouldn't feel awkward with the New Jun.
I took on the bus again and took the bus back to Suwon. Had numerous thoughts while I was on board. Where should I go ... What should I do now.... So many thoughts and among all the thoughts, there was still this foolish thought that I'm going to get the job. Getting the job also made me worry. I told her I can work full days and that's actually impossible. I felt much pain for that. Firstly I began to think what am I going to do. Like whether to apply to Dance sports, gym and finding a new job. After the long journey from Gangnam to Suwon, I concluded that I should at least wait for her reply really just in case. The first thought that came up after deciding, was that I should send a sms to remind her that I can only work thrice a week. Anyways, I've already not done well... And i might as well tell her the truth. I sent a long sms that showed apologies and walked back to the library .. where I would always go whenever I have no place to go. Sitting down in front of desktop, watching the football match... Had a lot of thoughts... I couldn't focus on football. I closed the Youtube site and searched for job. Like those that I can do only for a day job. I sent an sms to the employers and stared the monitor blankly. Then suddenly, there was a phone call. The number was so familiar. I ran out the room to answer the phone. It was the interviewer! "Yes YEs this is Youngsub". She told me that she is going to give me a one-day chance this Sat, to assess whether I can be suitable for the job.
"Thank you Thank you!" I hanged the phone.
This feeling..
The feel that beats my heart... The feeling of having achieved something.. Although this job is not sth I craved for so long or strived for it.. Having to have so much pain in it, the sudden success.. No.. not about success but more about. Not having to have failed again. No longer feeling the pain of failures. Not going to fall again.. The chance..i'm given.. A trust that ... I hardly received.. I held the scream that was about to be released from my vocal cords.
I got back to the computer and closed the job search websites and all the plans I had if I'm not getting the job! And used the new note, to plan what I'm going to be doing now, as if I'm a full-time, when I was merely a one-day worker who was to be assessed whether to be turned into a regular worker. I quickly left the library. There were still some thoughts that I had to clear before going home. Whether am I going to take on the 'Dance Sports' and gym. 'Dance Sports' regardless of getting the job or not, was still manageable as the time wouldn't clash and the price was really cheap. I took out the phone and called to reserve a spot. After reserving came the thought whether I would want to get the Gym membership. It was 125 bucks per month, so can call it an expensive one. Numerous thoughts rolled and I took a seat at the grandstand in the Primary school that was beside my house...
First thing for sure is that the main objective of getting gym membership is for the plane objective of using the gym not for the luxury of using the spa and Sauna they provide. Narrowing my thought to that, the only reason I wanted to build my body during this holiday was to prepare my body to play football for SIM. If I was going to play like just once a week outside club with friends, I wouldn't need a fit body. Also, if I want to build my body just for my own good but not merely for football, I can just build my body when I am in SIM as they would provide free Gym facilities. Thus, it was clear that if I were to get the gym membership, that would mean I am intending to join the football club at SIM. Ha.... This became really confusing... Unlike all the other times.. I didn't know whether I would want to join the football team. Although football is not the one that took my study time and allowed myself to retain twice in JC, to mom, is still an annoyance. Mom didn't want me to join the team and only focus on study. Unlike the other times, I agree with her words too, having too spent so much of their money in vain. But.. I thought... Then... what would I do when I get bored... I indeed am going to get bored... I don't always go out with friends.. I don't like staying home and playing games or watching tv. But I also can't study the whole day in the library for 18 months... I need a place to breathe. So far in my life, football was the only place for me to feel alive. What if football is taken away from me.. What am I going to do to spend that gap of time. I was confused... And even till this point of time, I still do not know what to do...
I got back home when it was 7, thinking that I should just tell mom all that happened, except for applying to the 'Dance Sports' as I clearly thought she wouldn't like the idea of it. As soon as I reached mom and sis asked whether I got fired as I really reached earlier than the working hours. I slowly explained what had happened and didn't talk much. I ate the dinner and spent a while watching tv and left the room. I didn't want to talk much with sis and mom.. and just spending time with them.. I clearly can see mom was already fine with me. But ... I know when we are fine that's the time problems arise and start a conflict. I avoided talking to her.. Got back to the room.. using computer..doing facebook, reading articles and typing my day...
The night is passing... and today was such long day. Hoping for another long one tomorrow too...
Lived deep alive today...
Good night
Gangnam was on hand so fast. It only took about 30 mins to get there. I was suppposed to reach for the interview by 3 and I reached real early. It was only 2:15 when I found the office. Hoping that I will be able to take the interview earlier, I got into the office and told the person I came in for an interview and told my name. The lady responded and brought me to a room and gave me a cup of a tea. She told me that there is one more applicant taking an interview today so I had to wait a while.
it was a small room with chairs and table just nice for a tea table.
I knew I'm not getting the job ever since the time she only faced her and talk. When the person only faces a person while talking, that only means that the person has higher interest on her. I was heavily disappointed...but hmm the regrets part... I wouldn't know... I didn't know what was going on. I clearly had in mind to do well for interview as I had experienced that not giving my 100% in interviews would give me nightmares when I'm home. Then, I realised... interview.. this job interview..the impression matters..the first impression matters.. The employer can only decide to employ the person or not by one interview. You don't meet the person everyday to change an impression of you. You need a strong impression at this short while to show who you are... I wasn't aware of that... Sighing ... I called Jun, who I always look for whenever I feel depressed. He answered the phone and I asked him to meet up as he lived nearby. However, he was in the car travelling from Jeonranamdo to Seoul. He visited his grandma's grave and was combing back to Seoul. I told him then why not we meet up when he reach Seoul, but he had another surgery appointment.. This surgery monster. He asked me if I have any moles to take out, as he was going to take out the mole that was on his cheek. He is totally changing into a new human. He changed his name when he was in pri school, and now he is changing his whole face. I hope I wouldn't feel awkward with the New Jun.
I took on the bus again and took the bus back to Suwon. Had numerous thoughts while I was on board. Where should I go ... What should I do now.... So many thoughts and among all the thoughts, there was still this foolish thought that I'm going to get the job. Getting the job also made me worry. I told her I can work full days and that's actually impossible. I felt much pain for that. Firstly I began to think what am I going to do. Like whether to apply to Dance sports, gym and finding a new job. After the long journey from Gangnam to Suwon, I concluded that I should at least wait for her reply really just in case. The first thought that came up after deciding, was that I should send a sms to remind her that I can only work thrice a week. Anyways, I've already not done well... And i might as well tell her the truth. I sent a long sms that showed apologies and walked back to the library .. where I would always go whenever I have no place to go. Sitting down in front of desktop, watching the football match... Had a lot of thoughts... I couldn't focus on football. I closed the Youtube site and searched for job. Like those that I can do only for a day job. I sent an sms to the employers and stared the monitor blankly. Then suddenly, there was a phone call. The number was so familiar. I ran out the room to answer the phone. It was the interviewer! "Yes YEs this is Youngsub". She told me that she is going to give me a one-day chance this Sat, to assess whether I can be suitable for the job.
"Thank you Thank you!" I hanged the phone.
This feeling..
The feel that beats my heart... The feeling of having achieved something.. Although this job is not sth I craved for so long or strived for it.. Having to have so much pain in it, the sudden success.. No.. not about success but more about. Not having to have failed again. No longer feeling the pain of failures. Not going to fall again.. The chance..i'm given.. A trust that ... I hardly received.. I held the scream that was about to be released from my vocal cords.
I got back to the computer and closed the job search websites and all the plans I had if I'm not getting the job! And used the new note, to plan what I'm going to be doing now, as if I'm a full-time, when I was merely a one-day worker who was to be assessed whether to be turned into a regular worker. I quickly left the library. There were still some thoughts that I had to clear before going home. Whether am I going to take on the 'Dance Sports' and gym. 'Dance Sports' regardless of getting the job or not, was still manageable as the time wouldn't clash and the price was really cheap. I took out the phone and called to reserve a spot. After reserving came the thought whether I would want to get the Gym membership. It was 125 bucks per month, so can call it an expensive one. Numerous thoughts rolled and I took a seat at the grandstand in the Primary school that was beside my house...
First thing for sure is that the main objective of getting gym membership is for the plane objective of using the gym not for the luxury of using the spa and Sauna they provide. Narrowing my thought to that, the only reason I wanted to build my body during this holiday was to prepare my body to play football for SIM. If I was going to play like just once a week outside club with friends, I wouldn't need a fit body. Also, if I want to build my body just for my own good but not merely for football, I can just build my body when I am in SIM as they would provide free Gym facilities. Thus, it was clear that if I were to get the gym membership, that would mean I am intending to join the football club at SIM. Ha.... This became really confusing... Unlike all the other times.. I didn't know whether I would want to join the football team. Although football is not the one that took my study time and allowed myself to retain twice in JC, to mom, is still an annoyance. Mom didn't want me to join the team and only focus on study. Unlike the other times, I agree with her words too, having too spent so much of their money in vain. But.. I thought... Then... what would I do when I get bored... I indeed am going to get bored... I don't always go out with friends.. I don't like staying home and playing games or watching tv. But I also can't study the whole day in the library for 18 months... I need a place to breathe. So far in my life, football was the only place for me to feel alive. What if football is taken away from me.. What am I going to do to spend that gap of time. I was confused... And even till this point of time, I still do not know what to do...
I got back home when it was 7, thinking that I should just tell mom all that happened, except for applying to the 'Dance Sports' as I clearly thought she wouldn't like the idea of it. As soon as I reached mom and sis asked whether I got fired as I really reached earlier than the working hours. I slowly explained what had happened and didn't talk much. I ate the dinner and spent a while watching tv and left the room. I didn't want to talk much with sis and mom.. and just spending time with them.. I clearly can see mom was already fine with me. But ... I know when we are fine that's the time problems arise and start a conflict. I avoided talking to her.. Got back to the room.. using computer..doing facebook, reading articles and typing my day...
The night is passing... and today was such long day. Hoping for another long one tomorrow too...
Lived deep alive today...
Good night
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