Hi midnight...
Whatever happens..whenever it is.. midnight always comes.. Hi to you..
The fight that just happened a while ago,, although all the fires are repressed from anger.. I still feel bad of what I've done.
This morning, I woke up late in the morning around 10am. I should treasure family.. for I have them now. and am going to miss them when they aren't around. Haha it was pretty random. I woke up late and mom was lazing out too. She seemed tired and she wanted to sleep longer. I couldn't sleep so I stood up to use the computer. As both sis and I were awake, mom couldn't sleep longer as she wanted to prepare breakfast for us. We ate the breakfast and mom and sis began to talk about her studies. Mom wanted sis to quit her English tuition as sis always didn't do her homework and didn't do her work properly. Sis was not unpleasant about the idea that she is losing a tuition.. Actually I guess more happy to hear the news.
I washed my hair and had a Hot Choco before I left to the library. Mom, like what she told me ytd, asked me to get home early as she preferred me staying home. I wasn't comfortable at home. Even I am comfortable now, if I stay for a longer time, it would no longer be a comfortable time. I left after a while and today's weather was so cold. Maybe its because I was walking without any aim or anything.. I didn't know why I was walking to the library. It wasn't like I wanted to study... I was just walking and walking..climbing up the mountain aimlessly... I didn't know why I was going..It was just more like..escaping from house. But having to think of mom not being at home and me staying alone at home, I will definitely be playing game at home. Walking up the library everyday and learning lessons through the walking journey was more valuable than playing game at home.
I reached the library and there seemed to be a lot of people. It's true that I came late and that it is holidays for students, there were way too many cars till there was no longer place for other cars to park. Really a lot of them. As I got in, I realised there was some events for the kids of aged 7-8 in the library. All the parents brought their car to bring their kids as it was high up in the mountain.
I read the papers for quite a time and sat down inside the study room. I wondered why I am sitting here. What am I doing... I really hate studying.. I wonder how am I going to when I get back to sg to study in SIM.. but really.. I don't like doing this... No.. I am fine with studying. But not alone and not in this quiet... room.. Not in this intense room...
I left the room to go to the digital room. Really don't like spending my time using computer reading articles and watching videos while others are doing their work, and watching all those lectures through online... Spent about 5 hours doing nothing really.... I only talked to friends using handphone and facebook... I talked to Adeline a while... The news that they are taking HCFA and Pei Chi and Joey still with class and all.. Made me smile to flash back those memories...but also thought that.. I was one of them the last time.but didn't really think like, I should be there. Maybe it was because I didn't fully open my heart for the new class in 2014, which is to my regrets.
I left the library when it was five. When I got out the landscape view I saw from outside the library was magnificent! The sun was setting.
As I was reaching home, mom asked me to drop by at a market to buy spring onions. I called her back to ask whether I should buy pizza on the way hoping mom would say yes as I craved for it for quite long. But she had already cooked the dinner so I just bought one sping onion and reached home. When I was about to reach home, I had this troubling question in my mind. Should I quit the 'DanceSports'? It wasn't like I am not going to have time for it. It's not. But it's only that..hmm.. if I can't give 100% efforts on it as I have to focus more on football and studies, I would rather get rid of those that I can't focus 100%. I concluded that I should wait till next monday. WHatever happens, I should just wait till next Monday on whether I can get the job.
I got in the house and took a rest. Dinner time came and sis and I quarrreld as usual. I was the one to start first today. When she wasn't even blocking the TV screen I told her that she was blocking and told her to move. I was just joking but she moved to really cover the TV screen that I was watching. I got angry and we fought. Mom came in to intervene and during the meal, as we were eating, there was the meat plate and as it was far off from me, I brought it to nearer to me to annoy my sister. Sister shouted at me and I thought shouting wasn't necessary although it was clearly my fault. Sis went to tell mom about it. And as we quarreled sis got really fussed up and she held up the plate and took an action as if she was going to throw that plate to me and screamed. Mom was shocked to see her behaviour.. I too, was shocked.. Not because she was doing this to me... But.. at that moment.. The only thought that came so vividly to me was that..what if she is doing this to other people around her outside the house. I was really afraid that Hana was doing this outside. Mom tried to pacify Hana and told her not to do so. I remained silent for a while and looked for the right timing and began saying... ha... I really regret for saying this... "I'm really sorry that Istarted first and that I always start the fight to you first.. that's totally my fault...but... WHO DOES THIS THINGS SO RUDE TO OTHER PEOPLE YOU BASTARD!" As soon as I screamed I fumed up and mom covered her face with her hands. Sis seemed to be shocked by my weird behavior and she began crying and left the room. As soon as this happened... I knew I was wrong...Ha.... I was really wrong.. Firstly, I must never scream in front of mom.. in front of anybody whos elder than me. I was really wrong for that. Secondly...its just my fault for having to start the fight but why did I scold her like this... It's my fault..I began regreting so much in me as I was eating alone in the room and mom went to soothe sister. Mom talked to me normally too and I apologized her. I could really see mom now is always trying not to make things into a big deal.
When sis cameback to the room to eat after mom pacified her, I apologized both mom and sis. For shouting and scolding vulgar to her... I still feel bad...ha.... Ive already made Hana hurt so much in her life yet I am still doing this. Ha.....Im crazy..
Luckily, we managed to solve our anger and got even friendlier to each other than ever. Dad was even angry that two of us were too noisy laughing although it was so great to see both of us so happy. Ha... don't do this Youngsub.. Youngsub, really don't do this. The regrets you've made so far in your life can be enough to make a mountain. Don't make it a sea of it...
Goodnight...
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