https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9W7hAA47M
Day 51 today..
Feeling hmm somewhat of confused... due to mom and Eun Sun too..
Today was somewhat of different day and if I can call a day that is different from other days then I would call it a special day.
Woke up early in the morning like 7am. I couldn't sleep longer. I read some of the articles and thought what I should do today. Planned out like the five things I needed to do. Those were..
1. Practice football
2. Gym
3. Go to LG center
4. Go to military service center
5. Go to library.
First was the hardest of all.. Not the training part but the part where I had to tell mom that I go out to play football myself. I didn't want to start a day with her nag and all those messed up fights... I decided not to play football and decided to at least postpone to a later time. Left home after a breakfast to gym. As I was going to the gym, I realised my pedal was gone. I found my pedal as I moved along my path. Ha... how bad a second hand bike is. I carried the bike to the repair center. And surprisingly!!! The cost of the repair was the same as the cost of the bike! Like WHATTTTT. Being so poor due to the upcoming trip plan and the tuition fee for football center next month, I was kinda keen on this. But it wasn't like I can't fix it as I really needed the bike for everywhere I go. Actually this bike has saved a lot money as I didn't take bus after buying this. Fixed bike, went to gym and had such wonderful time. Spent like two hours, I finally got to talk to the trainer about gym workouts and spend a good time.
Left for LG service center after it. I had to fix my phone as yesterday, I had spilled the coffee at work and it made my phone go wrong. Fixed the phone and then I headed to the NS center. I wanted to know when I should go for the medical checkup and all those things even when I want to go NS next year end. I applied to take the medical check up next Tues and .... on walking around this place... I felt like I was finally a man now.. I mean a real man. Deeply fell into these sentimental thoughts I accidentally kicked the cone that was placed to control the cars. Ouch.
Headed for library after that..
A place that I missed so much. I haven't gone to this place like I feel so long.. After I signed up for the football center I didn't get to go to this library for such long time. I missed this place so much. I felt so home when I got there. I missed lepaking here. Just setting up my laptop, watching all those things that I wanted to as mom wouldn't allow me to when I'm home. Spent another good time and came back home.
The trouble was here. I wanted to at least remind mom that I was taking my medical check up next Tuesday... I didn't like telling anything to mom as hmm... she was sensitive and easily angry at all things.. Same for today... She showed me the raged face as soon as I reminded her... Fight began like that although I admit.. it was my fault for not fully explaining to her and just avoid talking to her... Then on, the silence between mom and I continued... About Eun Sun is that... when I talk to her... I keep thinking that she is a friend not an eyecandy but like whenever I talk to her on phone like sms. I get nervous and can't say things normally or casually ... If I'm taking her or thinking of her as like someone I like as a girl then this gotta be fixed. Definitely not a time for girlfriend such... And ... I do know I'm a failure in that area.. Shouldn't go in for it..
Tomorrow is finally the trip day... Only going to think of tomorrow's excitements.. Meeting my old friend... The one I missed so much... Hope to take lots of photos... lots of pleasure.. and lots of memories...
Goodnight...
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 50
The 50th night in here..
Bit confused or what... cos of the things that happened in the later end of the day maybe..
But overall... it was kind of a good day.. considering what had happened in work today..
Woke up in the silence again this morning... I didn't want to wake mom up.. The alaram only hit dad's sleep and woke him up. He was bit surprised that I had to get up at this time and asked me where I was going. I prepared my own breakfast by taking just corn flakes and left for work not waking mom up. She was into sleep so peacefully that I didn't want to wake her up... Looking so tired didn't want to break her sleep..
It was another cold day but of course.. comparatively better than yesterday.. Rushed to the gym in the dawn. Today was the earliest time I left for gym. I got up at 5:30 and left house when it was only 6am. Reached gym at 6:10. I had about an hour and a half to workout and build my body. Had a routinely gym work that made me kinda satisfied as when I saw my body shape on the mirror, my stomach was not popping like how it was yesterday. Bathed and left for work. Seeing the people who are walking slowly to the MRT... I felt like this place.. gym.. has become some sort of my house place.. Where I bathe and like the first place to leave in the sunrise.
On the way to work.. there were a few thoughts... due to what had happened yesterday.. but I remained strong... like really... I remembered what I promised to myself in the diary yesterday... to have the right heart... have the right hard-working attitude and to have that smiles on.. The three haves... And I knew.. having a positive attitude towards work and all the scoldings, I can at last grow to become a better person at last.. That gave me the courage..
Reachedwork and I nvr felt nervous at all. More like i was accepting the challenge of the work. I began to have that serious face on when work began. At least when I was doing work, I wanted to be super serious at it and do it best. Not making mistakes and causing troubles to other people.
Throughout the day of work there were so many things happend that I can't rmb all but one is that I spilled my colleague's coffee that was on the table and had to clean it up.. and got scolded for not doing the work properly.. not doing the work quickly and a lot of stuff but after all those that happened.. showing a bright positive attitude and trying to accept other's words... actually made me feel that.. I was strong... Reamining strong... I felt.. having this postiive attitude was really important.
And for Eun Sun... I did have quite a few chance talking to her and I feel happy that I made her laugh. Regardless of my stupidity made her laugh or what.. I just feel happy to make someone laugh.. Making other people laugh... is the happiest thing in my life... having a dream as a comedian few years back.. I always feel happy. to make others laugh... and to put smiles on their faces..
When the work ended, I was kinda dismissed about 30mins earlier than the others as I came quite early today. It was somewhat of last day of me and Eun Sun at work... as I've done my 3days work this week and Eun Sun wasn't attending from next week onwards. As soon as she knew that it was like the last day, she was kind of hmm like unhappy or what haha.. just complaining and saying like bye bye have a good life all haha. When I was about to leave work when it was only 5:30, Eun Sun hadn't been dismissed yet. I saw her sitting down at the sofa so I went to talk to her saying like keep in contact all. She looking up from down and saying like I don't even reply all.. Haha bit cute.. omg.. but ya. I shouldn't like her as a girl. ANyway I don't think I will get much chance to see her...As I was about to leave work, I saw my colleague who had the interview with me.. the nuna. She was the only one going the same way with me so I asked her what time her work ends and she told me she wasn't sure. As I was about to leave first, the boss came to tell her that we can ride the 4D rider. That was damn amazing. 4D rider was damn amazing. All the four people who were new at work got a chance to take the ride. I told the boss all the CDs that I had wanted to take before. It was super fun. riding such and boss teased me that my reactions were the same as those kindergarten kids who ride this. After taking it, I told boss that I will wait up for her and just leave work when it's 6. When I told him that nuna came to me to talk to me. She told me that she has an appointment after this. Oh Shittt... I waited up for nothing like that... Left work with the brother who is new. As the both of us were walking we talked and I felt more comfortable compared to yesterday. I got closer to him either. It was good that I was with him cos if I wasn't with him I had almost followed to the girls gathering.
Reached home.. and felt really hmmm not bad about today for I've learned a lot today.. Reached home and although I had a small quarell with mom about my travel again..but still the 50th day wasn't bad.. Tomorrow gotta prepare for the trip and maybe I may get my hair treatment too..
Goodnight...
Bit confused or what... cos of the things that happened in the later end of the day maybe..
But overall... it was kind of a good day.. considering what had happened in work today..
Woke up in the silence again this morning... I didn't want to wake mom up.. The alaram only hit dad's sleep and woke him up. He was bit surprised that I had to get up at this time and asked me where I was going. I prepared my own breakfast by taking just corn flakes and left for work not waking mom up. She was into sleep so peacefully that I didn't want to wake her up... Looking so tired didn't want to break her sleep..
It was another cold day but of course.. comparatively better than yesterday.. Rushed to the gym in the dawn. Today was the earliest time I left for gym. I got up at 5:30 and left house when it was only 6am. Reached gym at 6:10. I had about an hour and a half to workout and build my body. Had a routinely gym work that made me kinda satisfied as when I saw my body shape on the mirror, my stomach was not popping like how it was yesterday. Bathed and left for work. Seeing the people who are walking slowly to the MRT... I felt like this place.. gym.. has become some sort of my house place.. Where I bathe and like the first place to leave in the sunrise.
On the way to work.. there were a few thoughts... due to what had happened yesterday.. but I remained strong... like really... I remembered what I promised to myself in the diary yesterday... to have the right heart... have the right hard-working attitude and to have that smiles on.. The three haves... And I knew.. having a positive attitude towards work and all the scoldings, I can at last grow to become a better person at last.. That gave me the courage..
Reachedwork and I nvr felt nervous at all. More like i was accepting the challenge of the work. I began to have that serious face on when work began. At least when I was doing work, I wanted to be super serious at it and do it best. Not making mistakes and causing troubles to other people.
Throughout the day of work there were so many things happend that I can't rmb all but one is that I spilled my colleague's coffee that was on the table and had to clean it up.. and got scolded for not doing the work properly.. not doing the work quickly and a lot of stuff but after all those that happened.. showing a bright positive attitude and trying to accept other's words... actually made me feel that.. I was strong... Reamining strong... I felt.. having this postiive attitude was really important.
And for Eun Sun... I did have quite a few chance talking to her and I feel happy that I made her laugh. Regardless of my stupidity made her laugh or what.. I just feel happy to make someone laugh.. Making other people laugh... is the happiest thing in my life... having a dream as a comedian few years back.. I always feel happy. to make others laugh... and to put smiles on their faces..
When the work ended, I was kinda dismissed about 30mins earlier than the others as I came quite early today. It was somewhat of last day of me and Eun Sun at work... as I've done my 3days work this week and Eun Sun wasn't attending from next week onwards. As soon as she knew that it was like the last day, she was kind of hmm like unhappy or what haha.. just complaining and saying like bye bye have a good life all haha. When I was about to leave work when it was only 5:30, Eun Sun hadn't been dismissed yet. I saw her sitting down at the sofa so I went to talk to her saying like keep in contact all. She looking up from down and saying like I don't even reply all.. Haha bit cute.. omg.. but ya. I shouldn't like her as a girl. ANyway I don't think I will get much chance to see her...As I was about to leave work, I saw my colleague who had the interview with me.. the nuna. She was the only one going the same way with me so I asked her what time her work ends and she told me she wasn't sure. As I was about to leave first, the boss came to tell her that we can ride the 4D rider. That was damn amazing. 4D rider was damn amazing. All the four people who were new at work got a chance to take the ride. I told the boss all the CDs that I had wanted to take before. It was super fun. riding such and boss teased me that my reactions were the same as those kindergarten kids who ride this. After taking it, I told boss that I will wait up for her and just leave work when it's 6. When I told him that nuna came to me to talk to me. She told me that she has an appointment after this. Oh Shittt... I waited up for nothing like that... Left work with the brother who is new. As the both of us were walking we talked and I felt more comfortable compared to yesterday. I got closer to him either. It was good that I was with him cos if I wasn't with him I had almost followed to the girls gathering.
Reached home.. and felt really hmmm not bad about today for I've learned a lot today.. Reached home and although I had a small quarell with mom about my travel again..but still the 50th day wasn't bad.. Tomorrow gotta prepare for the trip and maybe I may get my hair treatment too..
Goodnight...
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 49
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajCYQL8ouqw
A day before the 50th day...
And feeling depressed..hmm somewhat... stressed I guess.. from the continuous meeting with people that are unavoidable... and facing a must face situation everyday.... ha... but gotta be strong.. not just saying by the words..
Woke up in the morning where nobody was up.. When I had woke up it was only about 4am. I was supposed to sleep till 5:30 am to eat breakfast and workout at gym. When I woke up at 4, I just went ahead for toilet and the first thought that came to me was whether should I check my phone to see whether she had replied.. But I chose not to...I kinda thought that it would be better to make my morning a brighter one.
Had another hour of sleep and woke up when it was around 5:45.. When I woke up, I off the alarm clock then thought... I do not know why but I just sat down on the bed and fell into a meditation... Why do I do this... For what do I do this.. Waking up in the morning... Reporting for work... All the unwanted actions... Why am I doing this... Every each time like those moments, the best remedy is to think of the near goal...like... imagining myself back to the field at IJ...
I didn't want to wake mom up.. She was deeply into sleep. I took out the cornflakes and had them and as I was having them, mom woke up. She asked why I didn't wake her up and she began frying eggs for me. I had them with two breads and I prepared myself to leave. It was one such day really really wouldn't want to take a single step out of the door due to its coldness. Today was colder than yesterday. And especially in the dawn like 6am... the kind of coldness was like really freezing cold... As I was taking out my bike... I thought of dad who still wasn't home.. Working outside and getting a short sleep outside not being at home for almost two days alr... thought how he would be suffering now... that made me move on... Thoughts like this... imaginations are actually being put into a good use..
After gymming, I left for work when it was 8. Dried my hair and I seemed fine. I felt fine too. Didn't feel bad at all. hhmm more like I was pretty much pleasant.. To have another great day at work.. and get to be closer with Eun Sun too.. When I reached, it was only 9:25. If I go earlier than time, I would be dismissed earlier than the usual time which is 6. That was unwanted as I wouldn't get to go home with Eun Sun who always leaves work at 6. I spent sometime at toilet and also used the time to top-up my transport card to kill the time.
When I reached, it was another working atmosphere here again... There are two different groups of people in work. One is those who are the typical Koreans, pretty and cold at times and the other group being the ones who may not be so pretty but hmm like pure in their heart or not so rough those kind. And usually, those who were in the latter group had an overseas experience. I felt more comfortable talking to the latter group either. Dealing with those pretty girls always made my heart beat..make me damn nervous that I always take out words that I didn't mean to say..
Was given work from boss as soon as I had changed up...
The only comment that I felt about work was that..hm... I myself felt small again... Maybe at times its the physical weakness I have that makes me feel small all the time. I always feel small in front of people who are tall or way bigger than me. That's been the complex of mine since long ago. I always get small in front them..
I'm really not good at comprehending something.. not good at understanding and getting the point quickly... Even during the soccer training I'm having now.. when the coach introduce a new strategy of trainings, I can't get them all at the first time. I need to see other people doing it twice thrice to get it.. It was the same case when I was in SG. Until now... I thought that I can't understand what people say quickly because I had communicated in English.. But having to work... in a role that requires various tasks... I realised how insufficient inefficient I am.. Is not the language that limits me... It's me.. Really me... I hate it.. really... why I always can't get what other people say like at one time.. Everytime I see my friends understand the instruction one at the time and showing me the ignoring or somewhat like ununderstandable face to me... I felt they were acting smart... I thought that grabbbing those thoughts at a time and coming up with ways to solve the problem weren't just my problem but just that they were good at it.. However it wasn't.. I was the one lacking in it.. I'm really slow in understanding... That's why I can't even get the point that is going on when people are talking...and can't do those shitty postures like arguing with people on what they think which is what I actually donot want to be but.. just feel stupid of myself for being so foolish...
People looked down on me for such and I felt it... It happend quite a lot of times today.. Boss talked to me why I can't understand fast and the new guy who came talked with the boss as if he knew all about human nature and saying those kind of people like me need to serve NS all.. But bro..youngsubbro.. don't be down with this.. I mean... you get scolded and making mistakes was what you actually wished. Because.. today's mistakes lead to tomorrow's better me... I'm indeed going to learn from it and you have to.. The attitude you take from now is crucial.. Whether will you be like the usual youngsub thinking that those other people who comment badly about you is the weird ones or would you accept their comments and work things out with opening ears and do your best with the right heart. The right heart... don't lose that.. The hardworking mind... have that... And with the smiles on you... don't lose that bright attitude...
Tomorrow is going to be another day at work.. Do your best for all. with this learning attitude. and please do not direct the anger or stress you get at work to the guiltless family... You gotta do your best be it all. Just for work you do your best but stay pleasant.. And about Eun Sun... don't rush... rush in relationship is always bad... leave it to time... although after tomorrow I might not be able to meet her anymore... leave it to God for it...
Goodnight...
A day before the 50th day...
And feeling depressed..hmm somewhat... stressed I guess.. from the continuous meeting with people that are unavoidable... and facing a must face situation everyday.... ha... but gotta be strong.. not just saying by the words..
Woke up in the morning where nobody was up.. When I had woke up it was only about 4am. I was supposed to sleep till 5:30 am to eat breakfast and workout at gym. When I woke up at 4, I just went ahead for toilet and the first thought that came to me was whether should I check my phone to see whether she had replied.. But I chose not to...I kinda thought that it would be better to make my morning a brighter one.
Had another hour of sleep and woke up when it was around 5:45.. When I woke up, I off the alarm clock then thought... I do not know why but I just sat down on the bed and fell into a meditation... Why do I do this... For what do I do this.. Waking up in the morning... Reporting for work... All the unwanted actions... Why am I doing this... Every each time like those moments, the best remedy is to think of the near goal...like... imagining myself back to the field at IJ...
I didn't want to wake mom up.. She was deeply into sleep. I took out the cornflakes and had them and as I was having them, mom woke up. She asked why I didn't wake her up and she began frying eggs for me. I had them with two breads and I prepared myself to leave. It was one such day really really wouldn't want to take a single step out of the door due to its coldness. Today was colder than yesterday. And especially in the dawn like 6am... the kind of coldness was like really freezing cold... As I was taking out my bike... I thought of dad who still wasn't home.. Working outside and getting a short sleep outside not being at home for almost two days alr... thought how he would be suffering now... that made me move on... Thoughts like this... imaginations are actually being put into a good use..
After gymming, I left for work when it was 8. Dried my hair and I seemed fine. I felt fine too. Didn't feel bad at all. hhmm more like I was pretty much pleasant.. To have another great day at work.. and get to be closer with Eun Sun too.. When I reached, it was only 9:25. If I go earlier than time, I would be dismissed earlier than the usual time which is 6. That was unwanted as I wouldn't get to go home with Eun Sun who always leaves work at 6. I spent sometime at toilet and also used the time to top-up my transport card to kill the time.
When I reached, it was another working atmosphere here again... There are two different groups of people in work. One is those who are the typical Koreans, pretty and cold at times and the other group being the ones who may not be so pretty but hmm like pure in their heart or not so rough those kind. And usually, those who were in the latter group had an overseas experience. I felt more comfortable talking to the latter group either. Dealing with those pretty girls always made my heart beat..make me damn nervous that I always take out words that I didn't mean to say..
Was given work from boss as soon as I had changed up...
The only comment that I felt about work was that..hm... I myself felt small again... Maybe at times its the physical weakness I have that makes me feel small all the time. I always feel small in front of people who are tall or way bigger than me. That's been the complex of mine since long ago. I always get small in front them..
I'm really not good at comprehending something.. not good at understanding and getting the point quickly... Even during the soccer training I'm having now.. when the coach introduce a new strategy of trainings, I can't get them all at the first time. I need to see other people doing it twice thrice to get it.. It was the same case when I was in SG. Until now... I thought that I can't understand what people say quickly because I had communicated in English.. But having to work... in a role that requires various tasks... I realised how insufficient inefficient I am.. Is not the language that limits me... It's me.. Really me... I hate it.. really... why I always can't get what other people say like at one time.. Everytime I see my friends understand the instruction one at the time and showing me the ignoring or somewhat like ununderstandable face to me... I felt they were acting smart... I thought that grabbbing those thoughts at a time and coming up with ways to solve the problem weren't just my problem but just that they were good at it.. However it wasn't.. I was the one lacking in it.. I'm really slow in understanding... That's why I can't even get the point that is going on when people are talking...and can't do those shitty postures like arguing with people on what they think which is what I actually donot want to be but.. just feel stupid of myself for being so foolish...
People looked down on me for such and I felt it... It happend quite a lot of times today.. Boss talked to me why I can't understand fast and the new guy who came talked with the boss as if he knew all about human nature and saying those kind of people like me need to serve NS all.. But bro..youngsubbro.. don't be down with this.. I mean... you get scolded and making mistakes was what you actually wished. Because.. today's mistakes lead to tomorrow's better me... I'm indeed going to learn from it and you have to.. The attitude you take from now is crucial.. Whether will you be like the usual youngsub thinking that those other people who comment badly about you is the weird ones or would you accept their comments and work things out with opening ears and do your best with the right heart. The right heart... don't lose that.. The hardworking mind... have that... And with the smiles on you... don't lose that bright attitude...
Tomorrow is going to be another day at work.. Do your best for all. with this learning attitude. and please do not direct the anger or stress you get at work to the guiltless family... You gotta do your best be it all. Just for work you do your best but stay pleasant.. And about Eun Sun... don't rush... rush in relationship is always bad... leave it to time... although after tomorrow I might not be able to meet her anymore... leave it to God for it...
Goodnight...
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PWIuxIKBNA
Midnight is in my eyes..on my face... and on my soul...
Seeing the reflection on the window of the train... I could feel and sense the midnight... that is just in a doorstep...
Had a short quarrel with mom and had to sleep in silence the last night.. an uncomfortable silence in one room... I force myself for sleep as I had work today and had to leave in the morning as early as possible. I wanted to have ample time for gym before going for work. Woke up when it was 5:45. Mom prepared breakfast as usual and surprisingly, I wasn't tired at all.
Eating mom's sandwich in the morning is always somewhat suffering but needed. I wanted a heavy breakfast like that as it's the healthy diet that my friend Ikhwan made. However, having such heavy breakfast, and forcing myself for another bite was a true suffer.. I didn't like every bites..
Hardly finishing the meal, I quickly left for gym. It was around 6:10 then. Today, as forecasted by the weather forecast, was the coldest day of the year. Just when I was standing in front the door, I could feel the coldness of the winter outside. Left after saying bye to mom. Unlike how I'd thought, mom was still cold like the weather...
It was such suffering weather.... the only thought that would come when I was forwarding my bike to the gym... was that how I'd wish I was at home covering my body with blanket. The only thought that made me move on... is the thought of inputting myself a need for a strong mentality... Thinking of myself standing on the field at IJC... a great come back in front the crowds that knows me... Like some return of the legend.. Hoping to play the football game showing how changed I am, physically and skillfully.... Thinking of this exact detailed dream, I moved on..
As soon as I reached the gym, I quickly rushed for some bowel movements. This movements continued for about 2-3 times.. and got into a proper action for gym. Dreaming of being myself big..huge.. and fit..
Left for work when it was 8.. and took the train..
Reached for work keep thinking... why I can't hang along well with guys... and how should I do it.. and how should I do to make Eun Sun a good friend of mine... A conclusion was to display a smiley face when facing people there.. It became hard just when I was answered coldly as soon as I said hi smiling when I got in for work. Got a lot of chances talking to other people.... My only focus was to find where Eun Sun was.. Couldn't find her no matter what time it was.. Really can't see.. and worried what if... she is not at work today..Then. today's work really become worthless..
When like an hour or two passed, I saw Eun Sun passing by.. I really don't know.. she ain't my type and she ain't someone I like as a girl but my heart kinda beat and just get nervous... Maybe is the pressure that I want to make great friends with her... I saw her walking towards me so I just got busy with things... Just keep touching things... acting as if i'm working on sth.. and when I heard her saying hi to me.. I ignored as if I didn't hear her.. Then when she shouted Hey! I looked back..pretending as if I was shocked. Had a such nervous talk... that didn't last long... I regretted regretted repeating every words that passed. Shit you youngsub. Why be so man and use low tone to talk and never even smile. How can a girl approach when u do that. Shit you.
Chances came not so long after.. It was lunch time an hour after and had the chance to eat together with Eun Sun! AH YEAH.. We had a short conversation and suddenly Eun Sun asked me to sit in front her as I was sitting beside her.. I didn't know why but I joked to her whether she want to see my face so much. I pretended as if I was annoyed by her words then tried to move. Just then, the boss came in. He brought his lunch box and started eating with us too. The lunch time for us is splited for everybody. Like only two people eat together at the same time for about 30mins and when two people finish, they go back to work and the next two people come in. And out of all the slots, boss came in to join the meal with us. Wah.... damn.. As we were eating.. i tried to make things smooth and just talked to boss, eun sun and other girl who came in for a break. A little while later, boss took his earpiece and sat on the corner watching some show on his phone at the corner. I was alone with the boss in the room as the two other girls went in to the changing room to check their make-ups. I do not know why Korean girls check their make-ups so often. Like every single seconds... As I was just lying myself on to the table, Eun Sun came in and sat beside me... Then.. she took my phone and that was kinda cute.. She asked what's my password and I just told her the number. She flipped through and suddenly typed her number on my phone.. Wah really! Where is such girls who is so friendly and so approaching to guys. It was my role to take the courage and initiative to ask for her number to actually get to have at least a place for communication when she leaves her work this week... Damn nice.. So nice... I pretended as if this was nothing and just saved her number... Then on.. I felt like as if I was walking on the sky... Whatever things I hear and all the scoldings I didn't mind at all. Nothing could affect my mood.
Work ended like not knowing what was happening and somehow I managed to end work as the same time as Eun Sun did. Eun sun and jiwon were leaving together and the other two bosses were about to leave too. I didn't want to be seen as someone who follows girl... So, I waited for the guy bosses to walk to the train station. Eun Sun and Ji won walked but they were waiting for us.. I guess more like they were waiting for a chick magnet like me.
As we were walking down, Ji won wanted to drop by at Paris Baguette to buy egg tarts. I heard thats what the two of them always do after work.. Eating bread after work. They asked me to come along so I joined.(happily)
Had to make a farewell with Eun Sun as she was heading to a different direction..
As I was cycling through the night in the city... to home... I thought.... this thought came up just so suddenly but... considering that I am a stock... And mom and dad are the ones who invest on the stock called youngsub... What they were doing now was .... investing on the same stock that lost them a huge money... Who would do that... Only people who thinks its either this or dead... or who have huge faith on it would go for it... Mom and dad.. has faith on me...
Reached home and back to Eun Sun.. haha I searched her on Kakao talk which is like whatsapp, to see her photo. She was added on my phone and her profile picture was.... ha..... I almost spilled saliva... she was really pretty... I kept thought whether should I chat with her... thinking... what if ... I have different aim in getting closer to her.. What if I like her ... and like her as a girl..not a friend... That becomes a serious trouble.... I plucked up the courage and didn't think too much and just went on to talk to her.. If not today.. it would be no other day.. She didn't reply me till now but is okay.
I searched her on facebook too and found her.. She was really pretty and ha gorgeous.. had a lot of photos with her friends and almost all of em were girls...
And now...chatting with Amy and her friend Fang Fang... typing the story of my day... With Amy cheering me up.. I feel like I've got one such Eun Sun in SG.
Tomorrow will be one other day at work.. But I've got to make it better.
Work harder.. Work more seriously and work more flexibly. Don't make troubles with parents and kids... and please don't use low tone all and nvr smile... Who doesn't like people who smile... Stick to yourself... and hope tomorrow can be another step on my friendship with Eun Sun. Thank you...and..
Goodnight..
Midnight is in my eyes..on my face... and on my soul...
Seeing the reflection on the window of the train... I could feel and sense the midnight... that is just in a doorstep...
Had a short quarrel with mom and had to sleep in silence the last night.. an uncomfortable silence in one room... I force myself for sleep as I had work today and had to leave in the morning as early as possible. I wanted to have ample time for gym before going for work. Woke up when it was 5:45. Mom prepared breakfast as usual and surprisingly, I wasn't tired at all.
Eating mom's sandwich in the morning is always somewhat suffering but needed. I wanted a heavy breakfast like that as it's the healthy diet that my friend Ikhwan made. However, having such heavy breakfast, and forcing myself for another bite was a true suffer.. I didn't like every bites..
Hardly finishing the meal, I quickly left for gym. It was around 6:10 then. Today, as forecasted by the weather forecast, was the coldest day of the year. Just when I was standing in front the door, I could feel the coldness of the winter outside. Left after saying bye to mom. Unlike how I'd thought, mom was still cold like the weather...
It was such suffering weather.... the only thought that would come when I was forwarding my bike to the gym... was that how I'd wish I was at home covering my body with blanket. The only thought that made me move on... is the thought of inputting myself a need for a strong mentality... Thinking of myself standing on the field at IJC... a great come back in front the crowds that knows me... Like some return of the legend.. Hoping to play the football game showing how changed I am, physically and skillfully.... Thinking of this exact detailed dream, I moved on..
As soon as I reached the gym, I quickly rushed for some bowel movements. This movements continued for about 2-3 times.. and got into a proper action for gym. Dreaming of being myself big..huge.. and fit..
Left for work when it was 8.. and took the train..
Reached for work keep thinking... why I can't hang along well with guys... and how should I do it.. and how should I do to make Eun Sun a good friend of mine... A conclusion was to display a smiley face when facing people there.. It became hard just when I was answered coldly as soon as I said hi smiling when I got in for work. Got a lot of chances talking to other people.... My only focus was to find where Eun Sun was.. Couldn't find her no matter what time it was.. Really can't see.. and worried what if... she is not at work today..Then. today's work really become worthless..
When like an hour or two passed, I saw Eun Sun passing by.. I really don't know.. she ain't my type and she ain't someone I like as a girl but my heart kinda beat and just get nervous... Maybe is the pressure that I want to make great friends with her... I saw her walking towards me so I just got busy with things... Just keep touching things... acting as if i'm working on sth.. and when I heard her saying hi to me.. I ignored as if I didn't hear her.. Then when she shouted Hey! I looked back..pretending as if I was shocked. Had a such nervous talk... that didn't last long... I regretted regretted repeating every words that passed. Shit you youngsub. Why be so man and use low tone to talk and never even smile. How can a girl approach when u do that. Shit you.
Chances came not so long after.. It was lunch time an hour after and had the chance to eat together with Eun Sun! AH YEAH.. We had a short conversation and suddenly Eun Sun asked me to sit in front her as I was sitting beside her.. I didn't know why but I joked to her whether she want to see my face so much. I pretended as if I was annoyed by her words then tried to move. Just then, the boss came in. He brought his lunch box and started eating with us too. The lunch time for us is splited for everybody. Like only two people eat together at the same time for about 30mins and when two people finish, they go back to work and the next two people come in. And out of all the slots, boss came in to join the meal with us. Wah.... damn.. As we were eating.. i tried to make things smooth and just talked to boss, eun sun and other girl who came in for a break. A little while later, boss took his earpiece and sat on the corner watching some show on his phone at the corner. I was alone with the boss in the room as the two other girls went in to the changing room to check their make-ups. I do not know why Korean girls check their make-ups so often. Like every single seconds... As I was just lying myself on to the table, Eun Sun came in and sat beside me... Then.. she took my phone and that was kinda cute.. She asked what's my password and I just told her the number. She flipped through and suddenly typed her number on my phone.. Wah really! Where is such girls who is so friendly and so approaching to guys. It was my role to take the courage and initiative to ask for her number to actually get to have at least a place for communication when she leaves her work this week... Damn nice.. So nice... I pretended as if this was nothing and just saved her number... Then on.. I felt like as if I was walking on the sky... Whatever things I hear and all the scoldings I didn't mind at all. Nothing could affect my mood.
Work ended like not knowing what was happening and somehow I managed to end work as the same time as Eun Sun did. Eun sun and jiwon were leaving together and the other two bosses were about to leave too. I didn't want to be seen as someone who follows girl... So, I waited for the guy bosses to walk to the train station. Eun Sun and Ji won walked but they were waiting for us.. I guess more like they were waiting for a chick magnet like me.
As we were walking down, Ji won wanted to drop by at Paris Baguette to buy egg tarts. I heard thats what the two of them always do after work.. Eating bread after work. They asked me to come along so I joined.(happily)
Had to make a farewell with Eun Sun as she was heading to a different direction..
As I was cycling through the night in the city... to home... I thought.... this thought came up just so suddenly but... considering that I am a stock... And mom and dad are the ones who invest on the stock called youngsub... What they were doing now was .... investing on the same stock that lost them a huge money... Who would do that... Only people who thinks its either this or dead... or who have huge faith on it would go for it... Mom and dad.. has faith on me...
Reached home and back to Eun Sun.. haha I searched her on Kakao talk which is like whatsapp, to see her photo. She was added on my phone and her profile picture was.... ha..... I almost spilled saliva... she was really pretty... I kept thought whether should I chat with her... thinking... what if ... I have different aim in getting closer to her.. What if I like her ... and like her as a girl..not a friend... That becomes a serious trouble.... I plucked up the courage and didn't think too much and just went on to talk to her.. If not today.. it would be no other day.. She didn't reply me till now but is okay.
I searched her on facebook too and found her.. She was really pretty and ha gorgeous.. had a lot of photos with her friends and almost all of em were girls...
And now...chatting with Amy and her friend Fang Fang... typing the story of my day... With Amy cheering me up.. I feel like I've got one such Eun Sun in SG.
Tomorrow will be one other day at work.. But I've got to make it better.
Work harder.. Work more seriously and work more flexibly. Don't make troubles with parents and kids... and please don't use low tone all and nvr smile... Who doesn't like people who smile... Stick to yourself... and hope tomorrow can be another step on my friendship with Eun Sun. Thank you...and..
Goodnight..
Monday, January 26, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 47
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvTkGX3ZhfE&spfreload=10
Day 50 is coming soon and I made out my trip plan today
Bought the ticket and only left what to do at Busan.
Today I woke up early in the morning worrying that I didn't think enough the last night whether to travel or not. That thought has become needless when I thought that I should have a time to sum my 50days of journey in here.. Calling staying at home with family a journey could be ridiculous but.. that shows what I have become... Staying overseas for so long... Staying in Korea has become more strange to me...
I left for football learning center when it was 9:20. On the way, I didn't have many times where I had to wait for the traffic to turn green. Thus, when i reached, I thought I had reached pretty early. However, it was already 10am when I had reached. The journey is really a far one. Next time I should leave house when it's 9:05. On reaching, I quickly joined the one person who was practicing. Other uncle just entered too and three of us trained. Training was getting more interesting everyday. I enjoyed what I did there today either. Like those practices that encourage me to creatively do the things that I wanted to do usually. made me be 120% engaged in trainings.
After the training, I took an hour of self-practice time as usual. However, I couldn't focus on it as I kept thinking when I should go for work this week. I told my boss that I am freer on tues, wed and thurs but I felt that I should go work on Friday as I can just leave for the trip on Saturday. I didn't have to leave exactly on the 50th day. Had a lunch thinking of that all the way and even till the time I reached gym I couldn't decide. After sitting about 10 mins in the gym thinking, I finally decided to tell the boss that I'm also free on Friday to make the three days work this week. The words that my football coach told me today reminded me again. He told me not to think so much.. It was to hurry me when I was thinking too much before receiving his pass. I should apply this into real life.
Gymmed for about 2hours and headed home. It was totally unsatisfying workout day.. I finished all the workouts I had to do but still I wasn't satisfied... It was because when I saw my reflection on the mirror as I was walking to bathe... I could see a belly on my stomach.. This belly although not obvious had been there for years.. I always exercise..run... do sit-ups but it's always there... While my friends who eat like me and do not exercise so often still do have a slim stomach.. I couldn't understand and was bit raged...And grumbled out about my body to my trainer who thought I was cute for my age as I was leaving the gym..
Reached home and read all the articles about today's match. The Asian Cup Semi-Finals!
It was going to decide whether Korea is going to be up in the final stage for Asian cup in 27years..
Then, I went on to find out the trip schedule to Busan. I decided to get there as I could travel.. think...and get to see my dear friend Jae Yeon.. My old friend who used to be with me in Sg during secondary school days.. Being a prop to each other during those days...
Even when deciding the plan, I kept thinking of various ways of getting there and what to do and how to stay there... It was to cost-maximize but just then, I thought of what my coach told me. Not to think too much!
The plan we made out was that I leave from Suwon to Changwon which is about 3hours bus distant from Busan. Meet my friend at Changwon and we watch the Asian Cup Finals at a restaurant having dinner. On Sunday we skip church and go around Busan city and on Monday morning, he heads back to his home which is a bus distance from Busan and I take a train back to Suwon.
Mom seemed a bit disappointed that I will be missing during Asian Cup finals. She wanted the whole family to be watching it together outside at some bar to celebrate Korea being on Finals. Placing friend than family as prior choice.. mom seemed little bit disappointed... while I need some money from mom for my travel expenses as I secretly get football tuition and mom would think that I have enough money for travel costs..
It's another night and my thoughts are now somewhat full of her.. Eun Sun. Like how I'd said yesterday, I do not like her as a girl but really want to make good friends with her.. And going for work tomorrow could be a good choice so I can push on to make greater friendship with her... I feel really thankful for her.. as she likes to talk to me.. and wants to talk to me... I feel so thankful for someone who does that... How many would do that.. The whole day on the bike journey was full of thinking how I can get closer to her.. althoug the solution was to think simple and just be myself...
Tomorrow I'm back to work.. It's pretty fast but I'm ready. First thought is to treat the kids nice.. Other stuff.. I leave it to myself. Hope I can have great time at work tomorrow.
Goodnight...
Day 50 is coming soon and I made out my trip plan today
Bought the ticket and only left what to do at Busan.
Today I woke up early in the morning worrying that I didn't think enough the last night whether to travel or not. That thought has become needless when I thought that I should have a time to sum my 50days of journey in here.. Calling staying at home with family a journey could be ridiculous but.. that shows what I have become... Staying overseas for so long... Staying in Korea has become more strange to me...
I left for football learning center when it was 9:20. On the way, I didn't have many times where I had to wait for the traffic to turn green. Thus, when i reached, I thought I had reached pretty early. However, it was already 10am when I had reached. The journey is really a far one. Next time I should leave house when it's 9:05. On reaching, I quickly joined the one person who was practicing. Other uncle just entered too and three of us trained. Training was getting more interesting everyday. I enjoyed what I did there today either. Like those practices that encourage me to creatively do the things that I wanted to do usually. made me be 120% engaged in trainings.
After the training, I took an hour of self-practice time as usual. However, I couldn't focus on it as I kept thinking when I should go for work this week. I told my boss that I am freer on tues, wed and thurs but I felt that I should go work on Friday as I can just leave for the trip on Saturday. I didn't have to leave exactly on the 50th day. Had a lunch thinking of that all the way and even till the time I reached gym I couldn't decide. After sitting about 10 mins in the gym thinking, I finally decided to tell the boss that I'm also free on Friday to make the three days work this week. The words that my football coach told me today reminded me again. He told me not to think so much.. It was to hurry me when I was thinking too much before receiving his pass. I should apply this into real life.
Gymmed for about 2hours and headed home. It was totally unsatisfying workout day.. I finished all the workouts I had to do but still I wasn't satisfied... It was because when I saw my reflection on the mirror as I was walking to bathe... I could see a belly on my stomach.. This belly although not obvious had been there for years.. I always exercise..run... do sit-ups but it's always there... While my friends who eat like me and do not exercise so often still do have a slim stomach.. I couldn't understand and was bit raged...And grumbled out about my body to my trainer who thought I was cute for my age as I was leaving the gym..
Reached home and read all the articles about today's match. The Asian Cup Semi-Finals!
It was going to decide whether Korea is going to be up in the final stage for Asian cup in 27years..
Then, I went on to find out the trip schedule to Busan. I decided to get there as I could travel.. think...and get to see my dear friend Jae Yeon.. My old friend who used to be with me in Sg during secondary school days.. Being a prop to each other during those days...
Even when deciding the plan, I kept thinking of various ways of getting there and what to do and how to stay there... It was to cost-maximize but just then, I thought of what my coach told me. Not to think too much!
The plan we made out was that I leave from Suwon to Changwon which is about 3hours bus distant from Busan. Meet my friend at Changwon and we watch the Asian Cup Finals at a restaurant having dinner. On Sunday we skip church and go around Busan city and on Monday morning, he heads back to his home which is a bus distance from Busan and I take a train back to Suwon.
Mom seemed a bit disappointed that I will be missing during Asian Cup finals. She wanted the whole family to be watching it together outside at some bar to celebrate Korea being on Finals. Placing friend than family as prior choice.. mom seemed little bit disappointed... while I need some money from mom for my travel expenses as I secretly get football tuition and mom would think that I have enough money for travel costs..
It's another night and my thoughts are now somewhat full of her.. Eun Sun. Like how I'd said yesterday, I do not like her as a girl but really want to make good friends with her.. And going for work tomorrow could be a good choice so I can push on to make greater friendship with her... I feel really thankful for her.. as she likes to talk to me.. and wants to talk to me... I feel so thankful for someone who does that... How many would do that.. The whole day on the bike journey was full of thinking how I can get closer to her.. althoug the solution was to think simple and just be myself...
Tomorrow I'm back to work.. It's pretty fast but I'm ready. First thought is to treat the kids nice.. Other stuff.. I leave it to myself. Hope I can have great time at work tomorrow.
Goodnight...
Midnight in Suwon - Day 46
It's already morning
I came back from work last night and just fell asleep while I was watching TV...
Thinking.. whether should I leave for a trip this week, summing up my 50days in here..
Yesterday broke by mom waking me up to eat breakfast.. Had a sandwich as usual and dad bugged mom to give him one too..
Left home and headed for the subway station with my bike..
Passing through the wids,.. I didn't feel like fresh or feel like a head starter of the day like how I did usually..
Felt more like... tired from the repetitive working days.. and wanting to avoid the unavoidable social interaction with people at work.. The unwanted kind of social interactions...
On the way to work, I tried to force myself to read the English book I had bought with my Popular Voucher in Sg but I couldn't.. Feelings told me not to..
As I was at the last transitting point, I saw my colleague, who took interview with me standing and waiting for the train.. I quickly approached her and said hi. Wass the first moment of the day that broke the silence and began the social interaction with people.. Why am I afraid of social interactions?.. Hmm. maybe that is because it gets to be two people, not just me. When things include other people.. I begin to wary of not making mistake to other people...
Luckily, conversing with her became much better than the previous time.. It became more like we were friends now.. I was pretty much comfortable with her. I wouldn't like her as a girl, as she already has a boyfriend, but I find her really a nice person to talk to.
Reached work and there was no other time for chitchats..
Being a man, I was given chores to do.. and after that.. like so surprisingly, both my colleague who travelled to work together and I were assigned the roles that we wanted to take. On the way to the work, I asked her what she wants to take and she wanted to do the concert hall and I wanted to do the car racing. We were both given those roles..like as if the boss heard our voices. It was such easy job and lunch came so fast. Had a meal with a brother who was about 3years older than I do.
After lunch, I had a several occasion talking to Eun Sun, who was same age as I did. I like her. I mean as a real friend. I really like her. I can't communicate with her comfortably yet.. but I just love the fact that she approaches me and wants to talk to me. Real great person.. How many girls would approach a guy. and talk to him.. and not just a time but everytime.. I want to make good friends with her.
During work, one of the two bosses came to me and talk. He was kind of hmm lower position than the other boss. He began complaining about the work and the other boss. It is true that the other boss is bit bossy and vulgar. It was the same thought other colleagues had to. But I didn't know when I was tlaking to him I should agree with him and all.. Cos.. I do not like. talking about people at the back. And although I thought the other boss was being vulgar and bit rough on people.. I just wanted to think it as doing his job.. I was confused and luckily a kid came to my station and we set apart..
I'm confused of myself as a guy..
I guess I am not totally behaving like a guy when comparing with other people... The new guy who came yesterday seemed pretty manly. Like.. he wasn't just silent but he talked to people and didn't seem like he was overreacting at any cause. While me, overreacting at every single thing voice damn loud height super small... Sometimes I feel I'm just a boyy.. not a man yet.. But this is the way I've been till now and thought was right.. like.. trying to make people comfortable and all.. But the way I'm behaving.. maybe to guys is not right.. time for thought again...
Ended work and I wanted to go home with Eun Sun to finally have time to talk to as we were no longer contrained under the condition of work. And luckily, she was holding an umbrella so I went on to put my arm around her shoulder and asked her to go to the subway station tgt as it was raining. As we were walking out when it was silent, Eun Sun would always talk first and find some topic. I really thankful to her. Hope I can somehow be friends with her and get comfortable with her.. like how I managed to become really good friends with Sinyoung who is my first female friend I made two years ago..
On the way home, was another time talking all the way with my interview colleague as she was the only one living nearby me. There was no pause in the conversation..I was really comfortable talking to her and it was all thanks to her. She was type of person who gets normal 70 likes on facebook. That kind of sociality.. And the more and more I talked to her.. she reminded of my musical teacher, Hee Jin .. She was 30 years old yet best friend of mine. I loved talking to her when she was with me in church. She was my teacher. But like I was so comfortable talking with her.. Although, now.. I stop contacting her as... I was so sorry to remind her again..that I had retained again.. I know she wouldn't mind.. but I just did not have the courage to bring my face up to talk to her... I've got to wait another year... to talk to her.. after doing well..
This. similarity actually became another reason I wouldn't get with her even she did not have a boyfriend.. Her type of personality is that she can get well so well with people and me being a jelly person I guess I will get jealous very easily when seeng her getting along so well with other people like this.. Oh ya No wonder the boyfriend so protective during interview. Sit in between to block her haha oh I see now..
Reached home had another fulfilling dinner ... was watching Gag Concert on TV and I fell asleep..GUess I was too tired from work... It's another day.. Fighting bro
Goodmorning..
I came back from work last night and just fell asleep while I was watching TV...
Thinking.. whether should I leave for a trip this week, summing up my 50days in here..
Yesterday broke by mom waking me up to eat breakfast.. Had a sandwich as usual and dad bugged mom to give him one too..
Left home and headed for the subway station with my bike..
Passing through the wids,.. I didn't feel like fresh or feel like a head starter of the day like how I did usually..
Felt more like... tired from the repetitive working days.. and wanting to avoid the unavoidable social interaction with people at work.. The unwanted kind of social interactions...
On the way to work, I tried to force myself to read the English book I had bought with my Popular Voucher in Sg but I couldn't.. Feelings told me not to..
As I was at the last transitting point, I saw my colleague, who took interview with me standing and waiting for the train.. I quickly approached her and said hi. Wass the first moment of the day that broke the silence and began the social interaction with people.. Why am I afraid of social interactions?.. Hmm. maybe that is because it gets to be two people, not just me. When things include other people.. I begin to wary of not making mistake to other people...
Luckily, conversing with her became much better than the previous time.. It became more like we were friends now.. I was pretty much comfortable with her. I wouldn't like her as a girl, as she already has a boyfriend, but I find her really a nice person to talk to.
Reached work and there was no other time for chitchats..
Being a man, I was given chores to do.. and after that.. like so surprisingly, both my colleague who travelled to work together and I were assigned the roles that we wanted to take. On the way to the work, I asked her what she wants to take and she wanted to do the concert hall and I wanted to do the car racing. We were both given those roles..like as if the boss heard our voices. It was such easy job and lunch came so fast. Had a meal with a brother who was about 3years older than I do.
After lunch, I had a several occasion talking to Eun Sun, who was same age as I did. I like her. I mean as a real friend. I really like her. I can't communicate with her comfortably yet.. but I just love the fact that she approaches me and wants to talk to me. Real great person.. How many girls would approach a guy. and talk to him.. and not just a time but everytime.. I want to make good friends with her.
During work, one of the two bosses came to me and talk. He was kind of hmm lower position than the other boss. He began complaining about the work and the other boss. It is true that the other boss is bit bossy and vulgar. It was the same thought other colleagues had to. But I didn't know when I was tlaking to him I should agree with him and all.. Cos.. I do not like. talking about people at the back. And although I thought the other boss was being vulgar and bit rough on people.. I just wanted to think it as doing his job.. I was confused and luckily a kid came to my station and we set apart..
I'm confused of myself as a guy..
I guess I am not totally behaving like a guy when comparing with other people... The new guy who came yesterday seemed pretty manly. Like.. he wasn't just silent but he talked to people and didn't seem like he was overreacting at any cause. While me, overreacting at every single thing voice damn loud height super small... Sometimes I feel I'm just a boyy.. not a man yet.. But this is the way I've been till now and thought was right.. like.. trying to make people comfortable and all.. But the way I'm behaving.. maybe to guys is not right.. time for thought again...
Ended work and I wanted to go home with Eun Sun to finally have time to talk to as we were no longer contrained under the condition of work. And luckily, she was holding an umbrella so I went on to put my arm around her shoulder and asked her to go to the subway station tgt as it was raining. As we were walking out when it was silent, Eun Sun would always talk first and find some topic. I really thankful to her. Hope I can somehow be friends with her and get comfortable with her.. like how I managed to become really good friends with Sinyoung who is my first female friend I made two years ago..
On the way home, was another time talking all the way with my interview colleague as she was the only one living nearby me. There was no pause in the conversation..I was really comfortable talking to her and it was all thanks to her. She was type of person who gets normal 70 likes on facebook. That kind of sociality.. And the more and more I talked to her.. she reminded of my musical teacher, Hee Jin .. She was 30 years old yet best friend of mine. I loved talking to her when she was with me in church. She was my teacher. But like I was so comfortable talking with her.. Although, now.. I stop contacting her as... I was so sorry to remind her again..that I had retained again.. I know she wouldn't mind.. but I just did not have the courage to bring my face up to talk to her... I've got to wait another year... to talk to her.. after doing well..
This. similarity actually became another reason I wouldn't get with her even she did not have a boyfriend.. Her type of personality is that she can get well so well with people and me being a jelly person I guess I will get jealous very easily when seeng her getting along so well with other people like this.. Oh ya No wonder the boyfriend so protective during interview. Sit in between to block her haha oh I see now..
Reached home had another fulfilling dinner ... was watching Gag Concert on TV and I fell asleep..GUess I was too tired from work... It's another day.. Fighting bro
Goodmorning..
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 45
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkKlUgRfHAg
Hello midnight today..
Just got back home after such long day
Had to rush for work in the morning..
I don't know why but as I was sleeping I kept waking up every two hours..
Maybe it was symptom because I was drunk..
Had a sandwich mom made and left for work.
As I was reaching... I thought to myself... it is okay.. it is okay to make mistakes..
I have to face all those people I faced ytd at dinner
but is okay
I'm fine..
God...Please give me more mistakes ... so there are more things I can learn..
I do not think this meeting is the end of my relattionship deal in my whole life.. It doesn't mean I am giving up making good relations with them but just that I do not want to let myself down after yesterday.. I want to be more courageous... to get more mistakes and experiences..
Calmed myself down and reached work.
Had long hours of work all the way and today didn't really make me feel like I was working as there were really a few people today.. Halfway through... the boss started telling other people to remember some woman with pink bag and stuff to other colleagues.. I didn't really pay attention to it as he wasn't saying it to me. Just a while later the boss said my name in the walkie-talkie asking me whether am I aware of what the woman wears and what her bag's color is. Maybe she is some VIP.
I told him I do not know.. and he replied me saying things like... dont bullshit with him back later on saying that you didn't hear coming it from me and stuff... Surprisingly, even after hearing some vulgars.. I wasn't surprised .. I was rather calm and just replied yes.. Then I thought... I see why he was saying so.. Everytime I was busy dealing with kids and when the boss was talking to me finding me, shouting my name few times at the walkie-talkie.. I always got mad and shouted on the phone saying I can't hear you. I didn't use single vulgar but it was clear that I was rashed. I realised what I've done... and thught I really shouldn't get angry anymore..
If i get angry because of this and that.. then when do i become that nice, accepting person... Every single time is the place for such. FInd no excuses on that Youngsub..
As I finished work, I went out with the groups of guys.. It was pretty weird. I realised I can't hang along well with like a group of guys.. especially if they were new to me.. It's really weird.. I can hangout so well in SG with my school friends but now I feel hmm awkward.. when i'm here.. I missthem.. Shawn..Wei yang.. all those friends..
I got to the gym... exercised harder than usual days as I can't gym tmr as the gym would have been closed when I'm back from work.
Reached home, had another fulfilling dinner.. and typing my story of the day...
Gotta sleep early today too, to prepare myself for tmr's work.
Hope tomorrow's me, would be, more pleasant, not rashed, and more interested to know people..
Byebye
Hello midnight today..
Just got back home after such long day
Had to rush for work in the morning..
I don't know why but as I was sleeping I kept waking up every two hours..
Maybe it was symptom because I was drunk..
Had a sandwich mom made and left for work.
As I was reaching... I thought to myself... it is okay.. it is okay to make mistakes..
I have to face all those people I faced ytd at dinner
but is okay
I'm fine..
God...Please give me more mistakes ... so there are more things I can learn..
I do not think this meeting is the end of my relattionship deal in my whole life.. It doesn't mean I am giving up making good relations with them but just that I do not want to let myself down after yesterday.. I want to be more courageous... to get more mistakes and experiences..
Calmed myself down and reached work.
Had long hours of work all the way and today didn't really make me feel like I was working as there were really a few people today.. Halfway through... the boss started telling other people to remember some woman with pink bag and stuff to other colleagues.. I didn't really pay attention to it as he wasn't saying it to me. Just a while later the boss said my name in the walkie-talkie asking me whether am I aware of what the woman wears and what her bag's color is. Maybe she is some VIP.
I told him I do not know.. and he replied me saying things like... dont bullshit with him back later on saying that you didn't hear coming it from me and stuff... Surprisingly, even after hearing some vulgars.. I wasn't surprised .. I was rather calm and just replied yes.. Then I thought... I see why he was saying so.. Everytime I was busy dealing with kids and when the boss was talking to me finding me, shouting my name few times at the walkie-talkie.. I always got mad and shouted on the phone saying I can't hear you. I didn't use single vulgar but it was clear that I was rashed. I realised what I've done... and thught I really shouldn't get angry anymore..
If i get angry because of this and that.. then when do i become that nice, accepting person... Every single time is the place for such. FInd no excuses on that Youngsub..
As I finished work, I went out with the groups of guys.. It was pretty weird. I realised I can't hang along well with like a group of guys.. especially if they were new to me.. It's really weird.. I can hangout so well in SG with my school friends but now I feel hmm awkward.. when i'm here.. I missthem.. Shawn..Wei yang.. all those friends..
I got to the gym... exercised harder than usual days as I can't gym tmr as the gym would have been closed when I'm back from work.
Reached home, had another fulfilling dinner.. and typing my story of the day...
Gotta sleep early today too, to prepare myself for tmr's work.
Hope tomorrow's me, would be, more pleasant, not rashed, and more interested to know people..
Byebye
Friday, January 23, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 44
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycEIZ1NprZQ
Hi.. midnight..
A drunk message from here..
This talks that I'm telling now is a drunk talk..
I'm so drunk.. that I am not really of my mind and it's miracle that I"m writing my diary.
Just so shortly..
Today I headed for the work and after work there was dinner party after work as two of the colleagues were leaving..
They asked me whether I am joining and I was willing to go in for it as I wanted to experience such.. Those that I only got to see in TV of seeing the workers drinking at BBQ shops after their work..
Although I was a bit afraid of what's gonna happen but still excited too. Having to have such experiences... I find it now a treasurous one..
One thing most significant was this...
This guy... Can say he is my boss..
He suddenly started talking to me after he had few drinks..
I was drunk by then either. It was the first time me drinking the Korean wine, Soju and this was really way too strong for me. THis was abotu 18% and I can't take it after Itook like 8 cups of it...
He began talking too...
I was drunk..till I had so much confidence to talk to the two girls in the dinner. I shouted screamed. and said all the words and smiled unlike how myself..the myself that was hidden behind the curtain of the person I wanted to be..
This became much clearer with my senior worker's comment.
After havinga few drinks, he began to say the things he wanted to say about me..
More like.. things he wasn't happy about me... I could have been feeling hurtful or feeling unusual as... I didn't have much occasion where I got scolded by others or got comments about my attitudes for being bad by others..
But.. I nvr felt bad but more like accepting..
The reason is becasue.. I actually agreed to what he was saying..
What he was saying made sense... and that was somewhat I was meditating these few days..
Why I can't hangout with the guys naturally like how the others do..
Why guys do not like me..
Why I am not like my age but acting differently..
Thinking and thinking and that became a problem clearly
by the comment of my boss..
He told me I'm fake..
and he told me there are times where this works... where the bosses do like those fake comments people give as they like flattery... He told me.. He hates it.
He hates me doing such and begged me not to do it at least to him..
Being fake,, he told me he didn't bother listening to what I said as the words coming from me would only be a fake words...
He told me... He hates it.. and to learn to control it ... then I would become ... such great communicating person..
It was such clear solution to why I wasn't so freely interacting with the guys..
Guys all would communicate properly but I wasn't.
I was maybe acting way above my age... Trying to be like my role model.. Yoo jae suk..
Maybe. .that's not the clothes that suit me...
Another night for a deep thought..
But whatever it is
The conclusion is that I feel thankful for tonight
to get an experience.
Whatever they judge me or feel about me..
Because of today
I got such precious feedback
and got to have such important first time...
Thank you... Friday...
Goodnight..
Hi.. midnight..
A drunk message from here..
This talks that I'm telling now is a drunk talk..
I'm so drunk.. that I am not really of my mind and it's miracle that I"m writing my diary.
Just so shortly..
Today I headed for the work and after work there was dinner party after work as two of the colleagues were leaving..
They asked me whether I am joining and I was willing to go in for it as I wanted to experience such.. Those that I only got to see in TV of seeing the workers drinking at BBQ shops after their work..
Although I was a bit afraid of what's gonna happen but still excited too. Having to have such experiences... I find it now a treasurous one..
One thing most significant was this...
This guy... Can say he is my boss..
He suddenly started talking to me after he had few drinks..
I was drunk by then either. It was the first time me drinking the Korean wine, Soju and this was really way too strong for me. THis was abotu 18% and I can't take it after Itook like 8 cups of it...
He began talking too...
I was drunk..till I had so much confidence to talk to the two girls in the dinner. I shouted screamed. and said all the words and smiled unlike how myself..the myself that was hidden behind the curtain of the person I wanted to be..
This became much clearer with my senior worker's comment.
After havinga few drinks, he began to say the things he wanted to say about me..
More like.. things he wasn't happy about me... I could have been feeling hurtful or feeling unusual as... I didn't have much occasion where I got scolded by others or got comments about my attitudes for being bad by others..
But.. I nvr felt bad but more like accepting..
The reason is becasue.. I actually agreed to what he was saying..
What he was saying made sense... and that was somewhat I was meditating these few days..
Why I can't hangout with the guys naturally like how the others do..
Why guys do not like me..
Why I am not like my age but acting differently..
Thinking and thinking and that became a problem clearly
by the comment of my boss..
He told me I'm fake..
and he told me there are times where this works... where the bosses do like those fake comments people give as they like flattery... He told me.. He hates it.
He hates me doing such and begged me not to do it at least to him..
Being fake,, he told me he didn't bother listening to what I said as the words coming from me would only be a fake words...
He told me... He hates it.. and to learn to control it ... then I would become ... such great communicating person..
It was such clear solution to why I wasn't so freely interacting with the guys..
Guys all would communicate properly but I wasn't.
I was maybe acting way above my age... Trying to be like my role model.. Yoo jae suk..
Maybe. .that's not the clothes that suit me...
Another night for a deep thought..
But whatever it is
The conclusion is that I feel thankful for tonight
to get an experience.
Whatever they judge me or feel about me..
Because of today
I got such precious feedback
and got to have such important first time...
Thank you... Friday...
Goodnight..
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 43
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLTRSakuugs
AND GOD...
TELL US THE REASON..
YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG...
IT'S HUNTING SEASON..
AND THIS LAMB IS ON THE RUN..
WE'RE SEARCHING FOR MEANING..
BUT ARE WE ALL.....
LOST STARS....
TRYING TO LIGHT..
UP THE DARK...
- Keira Knightley - Lost Stars (Begin Again Soundtrack)
Tell us the reason.. the youth is wasted on the young...
Do not know the clear meaning of it... but one thing clear... is that this song... makes someone into a deep thought....of a traveller...on the bike.... travelling through the dawn and the night...
Lighting up my dark... got out to collect my passport..
Rushed to the next venue which was the football center..
Moving my bike hurriedly to there...I could feel that I was beginning to enjoy going there.
I no longer was reporting to the center just for the sake of preparing myself without my full will but with an enjoyment now. I could feel everytime I go that I was improving and learning. I always learn new things from the coaches there and could use them into practical use. I should quickly attend the Sunday league team to make those lessons I learned into its use on the field.
Today, another coach took us over as the coach who used to teach us had a kid to teach during our time. Our class was only for adults. Thus, it was less intense than teaching the kids. Kids who were learning there were aiming to become a professional footballer. Meanwhile, those adults learning the lesson were just to have better football skills in Sunday league football they belong to.
As I was practicing, I could feel that my toes were painful. I could feel that my toenails were too long that it was hurting my toes. I persevered through and finished the training with even an extra hour of training. Had a such fulfilling lunch again from the Korean buffet. The policy in the buffet was that if I waste food, I had to pay another 2000 won. I never wanted to do that so I had to gulp the food without wanting them.
Reached gym after 30mins of bike. Fortunately, even the idea of gymming was great these days. The thought of building my body.. for Ji won. haha nope. For myself. And the routinely work was pretty much simple too. I could also feel that I was getting stronger each day. Finished the gym work and rushed home when it was only 3:30pm. The reason was because there was Asian cup quarterfinals match between Uzbekistan and Korea. As a Korean and a football fan, it was a must watch match. As I was going back home, being fatigued, there was one long staircase walking up to go to where my bike was parked.. Then I thought... this is the only tiring part and the hard part on the way home... being so tired from the unavoidable leg works from cycling an hour each day. Just then.. this thought came up to me in my mind... What if ... I take this into a different thinking... A thinking that... I just see the whole journey in general as a happy journey home to watch football comfortably...not thinking negatively and emphasizing on this hard part.. Likewise for life... going through retaining and failing.... what if I don't see just the negative aspects.. What if I see my whole life...in a long term...as a happy end.. Then... I'm actually on my path walking to the happy end of my life.. I'm on the right path..be it negative or positive I am going through currently...
With such Confucius-like thought, I rushed home as I always needed to read the preview articles before the match start. Reached home and fortunately there was nobody at home. I could watch the match screaming and shouting without getting bothered or getting scolded. Match got longer than expected... It did not end in 90 mins... Korea missed a few chances that could have led to a goal and likewise for Uzbek. It entered the extra 30 minutes and Korea played a different game for this match. Son Heung Min, the Korean super talent scored two goals at this extra time. What caught my eyes were not Son but Cha du-ri's assist. His assist was crazy. His speed... his run... and his overwhelming physical ability.... He ran from the half line... dribbling while running .. going past two defenders and crossing to Son... It is Cha's goal. He made the goal himself. Then I thought...Maybe... I am that kind of player..Although I still need the physical appearance aspect... Playing with the ball, running with the ball with speed that others can't catch up.. and having that stamina to outrun any others on the field... Maybe...that's the type of player I should be...
Finisehd watching the match... and I'm at my room again typing out my story of the day...
Preparing myself for work tomorrow. Another full of fun day. Hope I can get closer with other colleagues and most importantly.. hope I wouldn't repeat my mistake of scolding the kids... Thank God for today and days to come...
Goodnight..
AND GOD...
TELL US THE REASON..
YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG...
IT'S HUNTING SEASON..
AND THIS LAMB IS ON THE RUN..
WE'RE SEARCHING FOR MEANING..
BUT ARE WE ALL.....
LOST STARS....
TRYING TO LIGHT..
UP THE DARK...
- Keira Knightley - Lost Stars (Begin Again Soundtrack)
Tell us the reason.. the youth is wasted on the young...
Do not know the clear meaning of it... but one thing clear... is that this song... makes someone into a deep thought....of a traveller...on the bike.... travelling through the dawn and the night...
Lighting up my dark... got out to collect my passport..
Rushed to the next venue which was the football center..
Moving my bike hurriedly to there...I could feel that I was beginning to enjoy going there.
I no longer was reporting to the center just for the sake of preparing myself without my full will but with an enjoyment now. I could feel everytime I go that I was improving and learning. I always learn new things from the coaches there and could use them into practical use. I should quickly attend the Sunday league team to make those lessons I learned into its use on the field.
Today, another coach took us over as the coach who used to teach us had a kid to teach during our time. Our class was only for adults. Thus, it was less intense than teaching the kids. Kids who were learning there were aiming to become a professional footballer. Meanwhile, those adults learning the lesson were just to have better football skills in Sunday league football they belong to.
As I was practicing, I could feel that my toes were painful. I could feel that my toenails were too long that it was hurting my toes. I persevered through and finished the training with even an extra hour of training. Had a such fulfilling lunch again from the Korean buffet. The policy in the buffet was that if I waste food, I had to pay another 2000 won. I never wanted to do that so I had to gulp the food without wanting them.
Reached gym after 30mins of bike. Fortunately, even the idea of gymming was great these days. The thought of building my body.. for Ji won. haha nope. For myself. And the routinely work was pretty much simple too. I could also feel that I was getting stronger each day. Finished the gym work and rushed home when it was only 3:30pm. The reason was because there was Asian cup quarterfinals match between Uzbekistan and Korea. As a Korean and a football fan, it was a must watch match. As I was going back home, being fatigued, there was one long staircase walking up to go to where my bike was parked.. Then I thought... this is the only tiring part and the hard part on the way home... being so tired from the unavoidable leg works from cycling an hour each day. Just then.. this thought came up to me in my mind... What if ... I take this into a different thinking... A thinking that... I just see the whole journey in general as a happy journey home to watch football comfortably...not thinking negatively and emphasizing on this hard part.. Likewise for life... going through retaining and failing.... what if I don't see just the negative aspects.. What if I see my whole life...in a long term...as a happy end.. Then... I'm actually on my path walking to the happy end of my life.. I'm on the right path..be it negative or positive I am going through currently...
With such Confucius-like thought, I rushed home as I always needed to read the preview articles before the match start. Reached home and fortunately there was nobody at home. I could watch the match screaming and shouting without getting bothered or getting scolded. Match got longer than expected... It did not end in 90 mins... Korea missed a few chances that could have led to a goal and likewise for Uzbek. It entered the extra 30 minutes and Korea played a different game for this match. Son Heung Min, the Korean super talent scored two goals at this extra time. What caught my eyes were not Son but Cha du-ri's assist. His assist was crazy. His speed... his run... and his overwhelming physical ability.... He ran from the half line... dribbling while running .. going past two defenders and crossing to Son... It is Cha's goal. He made the goal himself. Then I thought...Maybe... I am that kind of player..Although I still need the physical appearance aspect... Playing with the ball, running with the ball with speed that others can't catch up.. and having that stamina to outrun any others on the field... Maybe...that's the type of player I should be...
Finisehd watching the match... and I'm at my room again typing out my story of the day...
Preparing myself for work tomorrow. Another full of fun day. Hope I can get closer with other colleagues and most importantly.. hope I wouldn't repeat my mistake of scolding the kids... Thank God for today and days to come...
Goodnight..
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 42
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R8fcMTGLtM
"If I am lost for a day, try to find me
But if I don't come back then I won't look behind me
and all of the things that I thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day..."
- Stars - Calendar Girl (Movie One Week OST)
Unlocking the lock of my bike..
Taking out the bike out from the yard..
Leaving home..
To start a day...
The cold wind that blows behind me..
is the living proof of diligence...
and the hard works...
Reached the center and I was the earliest...
Talking and conversing with the people, laughing put aside for this time...
Where football comes into place..
as a serious matter..
Warming myself up..
Following up with the coach's instructions..
Staying back for an hour after the lesson was over...
The only one left in the center while all were gone...
Left when it was 12pm as the coaches needed to leave for their lunch either.
I took my lunch at the restaurant that was just beside the center. They sold Korean food buffet only at 4500 won which was about 6 SGD.
Having a full meal for lunch as instructed by my trainer. I again, moved with my bike... to the gym.
Taking a long journey to the gym... But with good music.. Everywhere I go is a movie...
Every step that I take... Every moment I run past the winds... is a movie. My own movie...My life..
Was tired and exhausted...
Took a seat at the changing room... and fell into a nap...
After about 30mins... I began exercising and doing all the workouts as instructed...
With the feeling of satisfaction... bathed and left the gym.
Headed for the library beside and spent another hour there watching Pinocchio..
Time is passing..
There isn't much time allowed for me..
I should do things that I need like getting familiar with reading English texts...
While I was in the library, I got a call from Les More where I had worked as part-time flyer distributor before.
They told me they will confirm me whether is any work this week.
Just as when I was about to leave the library...
My boss from the English teaching job called me up..
I wondered what she would be saying.. having to fix my work time for this week..
She asked whether I can help to work this Sunday...
Thinking that I do not have anything on this Sunday... I accepted it..
A few moments after I hung up the phone... Regrets came...and not long after that regrets were swayed away from my heart.... The person from the flyer distributor called me to tell me whether I can work this Sunday.... I couldn't say no... I hung up the phone as she told me she will put me in the waiting list..
Feeling guilty after hanging up the phone as I felt like things were uncleaer. I called her back to tell that I can't go this Sunday as I have church... Apologizing her... Not wanting to lose the partnerships we have...
Reached home through the dark night.... It was still early around 6 at night..
I told mom that I will be working this Sunday too...
Mom asked whether did I want to work this Sunday and I said no..
She asked why... and my mouth spitted out the word "Church"......
Hearing that... mom just left the room without single word...
Could feel that she changed her mood so fast...
I thought myself I shoudn't have said it...
I guess mom tried to keep her emotions down to postpone her anger.. At least ... after a considerate thought on whether it is right or wrong... Thankful for that..
A night passed like this... and it's still early 9pm..
And I do not have much thing to do...
Tomorrow will be same day like today but just that I will be collecting my new passport tomorrow in the morning... going to the football lesson...Going to the gym.. and come back home by 3:30... to watch the match and my day will be it like that....
Goodnight...
"If I am lost for a day, try to find me
But if I don't come back then I won't look behind me
and all of the things that I thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day..."
- Stars - Calendar Girl (Movie One Week OST)
Unlocking the lock of my bike..
Taking out the bike out from the yard..
Leaving home..
To start a day...
The cold wind that blows behind me..
is the living proof of diligence...
and the hard works...
Reached the center and I was the earliest...
Talking and conversing with the people, laughing put aside for this time...
Where football comes into place..
as a serious matter..
Warming myself up..
Following up with the coach's instructions..
Staying back for an hour after the lesson was over...
The only one left in the center while all were gone...
Left when it was 12pm as the coaches needed to leave for their lunch either.
I took my lunch at the restaurant that was just beside the center. They sold Korean food buffet only at 4500 won which was about 6 SGD.
Having a full meal for lunch as instructed by my trainer. I again, moved with my bike... to the gym.
Taking a long journey to the gym... But with good music.. Everywhere I go is a movie...
Every step that I take... Every moment I run past the winds... is a movie. My own movie...My life..
Was tired and exhausted...
Took a seat at the changing room... and fell into a nap...
After about 30mins... I began exercising and doing all the workouts as instructed...
With the feeling of satisfaction... bathed and left the gym.
Headed for the library beside and spent another hour there watching Pinocchio..
Time is passing..
There isn't much time allowed for me..
I should do things that I need like getting familiar with reading English texts...
While I was in the library, I got a call from Les More where I had worked as part-time flyer distributor before.
They told me they will confirm me whether is any work this week.
Just as when I was about to leave the library...
My boss from the English teaching job called me up..
I wondered what she would be saying.. having to fix my work time for this week..
She asked whether I can help to work this Sunday...
Thinking that I do not have anything on this Sunday... I accepted it..
A few moments after I hung up the phone... Regrets came...and not long after that regrets were swayed away from my heart.... The person from the flyer distributor called me to tell me whether I can work this Sunday.... I couldn't say no... I hung up the phone as she told me she will put me in the waiting list..
Feeling guilty after hanging up the phone as I felt like things were uncleaer. I called her back to tell that I can't go this Sunday as I have church... Apologizing her... Not wanting to lose the partnerships we have...
Reached home through the dark night.... It was still early around 6 at night..
I told mom that I will be working this Sunday too...
Mom asked whether did I want to work this Sunday and I said no..
She asked why... and my mouth spitted out the word "Church"......
Hearing that... mom just left the room without single word...
Could feel that she changed her mood so fast...
I thought myself I shoudn't have said it...
I guess mom tried to keep her emotions down to postpone her anger.. At least ... after a considerate thought on whether it is right or wrong... Thankful for that..
A night passed like this... and it's still early 9pm..
And I do not have much thing to do...
Tomorrow will be same day like today but just that I will be collecting my new passport tomorrow in the morning... going to the football lesson...Going to the gym.. and come back home by 3:30... to watch the match and my day will be it like that....
Goodnight...
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 41
"Hey Jude... Don't make it bad...Take a sad song and make it better...Remember to let her into your heart...Then you can start to make it better.."
- The Beatles - "Hey Jude"
A day began with going to the temple. Mom woke me up and we left sis at home to go to temple. The place was really far off that we had to take a bus that was driven by the temple. It took about an hour from the place we took the bus. Mom paid every respect to each stations...by bowing herself down.. just like how all the other old grandmas did. Our main purpose of coming here was to greet my dear grandmom. She is dead... She was dead when my dad was only in primary school.. I've never seen her and when I come to think of an image of grandma, I can only picture the grandma I have now, as Grandpa married three different wives and only one staying alive now. The one we went to pray for today... is my grandma.. the one who gave birth to my dad.. The one who made me... ALIVE...
Her corpse was here... Our family used to bury a dead person at the graveyard we owned at the province but for some reason, they'd decided to take the body out and place it in the temple.They had done that the last year... I heard that dad by himself, dug out the grave and took out the bones at the grave... Although he doesn't speak of his memories with his mom... It's still his mom... And that's the model I should follow in treating my parents... Whatever it is... Still my mom.. Still my dad...
However, the room where grandma was kept was closed temporarily. It was due to some periodical reason they say. Mom and I were disappointed and we headed up the mountain to the biggest room where they stored all the names of the believers with the status of monks. It was also the place where they held the mass. Mass took for quite a long time, as it took about 2 hours.. It was such long period. It included all the times where the people stood up to bow down but mom did not ask me to join the crowd. I guess she kind of respected me for having a different religious belief.
I do not think Buddhism is unbelievable. Is also not that Christian is unbelievable too. I do think every religion has its own respect. To be honest with myself, I still do not know who God is. Ever since I became a Christian, all the blessings I got and the good things happened to me had somewhat came as blessing from God. I still do not know whether it was really the blessing from God or it was just a mere fortune. But one thing for sure, is that every religion has its respect that it deserves... For they follow the rules and has their objectives to do good for the society. They work hard in a sincere manner in their prayers and mass.. If there is someone out there who controls our life fortune.. Please... look at those people who are desperately praying and save and help them...
After the long hours of prayers, mom and I quickly left the hall to have our lunch. The temple gave free lunch for everybody. I ate two bowls of it. With a full stomach, mom and I left for home again and I fell asleep on the way home. Guess I was tired from the continuous works these few days.
On the way home, sis called mom saying that she want to go out and play with her friend. Mom was objective about her idea as she has not been studying these few days. Mom told her either she come back in 2 hours or just stay at home. Sis complained and mom told her to stay and just hung up the phone... Then I thought... is sis still a good girl mom? And also thought that sis could have just leave house and not come back... At least... for me... I guess that's what I would be doing.. Disobedience and doing things that I think is right. Not listening to what elderly says... How stubborn I am..
We reached home and as mom knocked on the door, there was sis opening the door. Seeing her face looking calm...it made me another time of realisation.. How bad I am... How disobedient I was..And how normal it was to hana to listen to mom. And even thinking that sis would do the same thing likeme and just leave the house... This is the difference between me and sis and why sis always get praised... I've got a lot to learn...
Left home not long after. I first headed for LG service center that was nearby. I had this problem with my phone ytd that I couldn't receive a SMS from my friend. I'd thought that this could have happened at other times either. Thus, I decided to go to the service center.
Service centers in Korea are always friendly. It made me feel as if they are competing in every aspect with Samsung. They were so friendly. After having a consultation with the engineer I was told that the only thing they could see is that either there was problem in the connection for the person sending or I was turning my phone on for too long. I did not have any spare battery so I did not off the phone for a single time. I was also told that this was more about the phone's agency not the gadget.
With all the info on my hand, I took down the number for my phone agency and headed for gym. On the way to gym, I put on an earpiece and called the agency. Like the last time when I called them, they were really friendly until I'd thought they were overly friendly. The person guided me through and advised me all the solutions he got. Even after I hung up the phone, she gave me a call after 30mins to ask whether the problem with the phone was solved, although I wasn't able to asnwer any of them as I was busy making my body. There were like 10 missed calls from her.. After hanging up the phone, I just remembered to make a call and ask about the calling plan of my phone. Dad did not tell me anything that I had to ask to the agency. As I called, the girl guided me through so friendly again. And this time, I had to tell the person the info to prove that I am the owner of the phone. The phone was gotten after my grandpa's name so all the info had to be about grandpa. She first asked me about my grandpa's name and his birthday to verify. She told me that there were two things that had to be checked to make sure that I'm the person. She asked me whether do I know the address and I asked her back whether this is a quiz. She laughed and said is not a quiz but just to verify. I told her I only know a few info about my grandpa's location but not the full address. As the call was recorded too, it wasn't like she could just tell me the info without the verification though it was pretty obvious that I was the owner of the phone. She told me whether did I know the method of making the payment whether it was bank, direct transfer, or cash and stuff. I told her I did not know and she smiled and told me whether I can make any guess like bank. I asked how many answer chances I have and I told her I will just try all of them. It was pretty obvious that she was just trying to make the word come out from my mouth and that was all. Haha so I just said number 1. Bank. And I got it right haha. She laughed and told me about the info. I decided to cut the 5G data so I can't use it outside. I hung up the phone after a long consultation and headed for gym. And what I saw after I gymmed at my phone's sms was hmm pretty pleasant I guess.. The feeling that many would know..
I want to upload the screenshot image of it but the google blog isn't listening since a few days ago. It's time to change to other blog alr. The message was like:
"This is consultant Lee Ruri who just consulted. You, the grandson of Lee Eung Ho inquired me so friendlily that it was a consultation that even made my day. Although it's a cold weather from morning to night, but I would hope that you wouldn't lose your bright smiles that is like flower. Have a pleasant Tuesday^^♥" >LGU+ Consultant Lee Ruri
The feel... of hmm it was a multiples of feeling but indeed a good one. How it feels like to make someone's day.. How it feels like.. to make someone happy... Then I thought... Youngsub.. Live everyday's life like today. Remember today.. Remember those moments.. Those moments you thought was nothing and walked past by had been a such pleasing moment for others... Live everyday like today by being easy-going and pleasant.. to anyone you see in the world. It's for myself and for the people around me... A smile could brighten everybody's heart... I saw a living proof of it today... Another thing was to be calm... I just thought that I should not be bossy about the fact that I was friendly and even received such message. Calming down... and taking it with the mere happiness to have made someone's day would be enough... Even ideas like becoming a comdeian which once was my dream job came up to my head... Making somebody laugh..is one that I feel the happiest... Hope fate draws a clear line for me..
Got home... and ate such heavy dinner again. I ate 600 gram of pork belly for dinner with various side dishes mom prepared. It was such filling one that I am still keep going to the toilet. Dad just got home after the long hours of work and finally having his dinner.. Hope tomorrow is another full of experiences and encounters..with a joy like today..
Goodnight..
Monday, January 19, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 40
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcbnilNvIIo
Hi midnight again
A calm and peaceful one tonight.
Avoided opening up and talking to the family, I managed to get a peaceful one tonight.. although there are things that were better when I had opened up and ..no not open up but more like behaving like a child, I still feel better when I have not opened up..
Today is an exercise day. Full of gym works and football trainings. I left home when it was 9 to register for the renewal of my passport. The snow had come to town the last night and it was hard to travel riding a bike. I had to slow down on the way. That made me to reach the football center like 30mins later than I had to be. Joined the training late and learned eagerly. Seeing those people who are better than me.. and those people aren't actually seeming good. I sense where I stand... I am even worse than them. How bad footballer I am. There are so much things I need to learn. I trained for another extra hour after my football lesson. When there was nobody around... till the coaches thought that no one was around in the center.. They had to go for lunch so I left the place for them. I had to go for lunch either. I had seen a place where they sell lunch at only 4500 won so I headed for the place. The place was such awesome place for gymmers like me. I needed a lot of food intake, especailly during lunch time. Lunch time was the only time allowed for me to take a lot of proteins, carbohydrates and all. It was buffet type of restaurant where I could just put in all the dishes I want to eat on my plate. The dishes were all not bad. I filled my plate till I could hardly carry it back to my seat. no just kidding. I've gymmed. Carrying a plate is nothing for me.
After finishing such satisfying meal, I dropped by at the bank to send the money to the football center for this month. Then, I moved to the gym. Getting there was comparatively easier than it was the last time. Maybe it was because I had to go slowly this time due to slippery floor.
Getting to the gym, had a few minutes of rest and moved on for my workout routine. It was the first time that I completed all the series I learned from the trianer. I was always rushing for time as I used to go gym either before work or after work. There was always not much time for gym.
Dropped by at the library to spend an hour watching a drama and reached home. I maintained the poker face... I did not want to open up. Of course, mom and seemed sense that I was behaving weird and asked if anything had happened. But I said no... Time flew fast afteer such busy day and now I am typing out my story of the day.
I need to go temple and LG service center tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another full day of business. Thank you for days..
Goodnight..
Hi midnight again
A calm and peaceful one tonight.
Avoided opening up and talking to the family, I managed to get a peaceful one tonight.. although there are things that were better when I had opened up and ..no not open up but more like behaving like a child, I still feel better when I have not opened up..
Today is an exercise day. Full of gym works and football trainings. I left home when it was 9 to register for the renewal of my passport. The snow had come to town the last night and it was hard to travel riding a bike. I had to slow down on the way. That made me to reach the football center like 30mins later than I had to be. Joined the training late and learned eagerly. Seeing those people who are better than me.. and those people aren't actually seeming good. I sense where I stand... I am even worse than them. How bad footballer I am. There are so much things I need to learn. I trained for another extra hour after my football lesson. When there was nobody around... till the coaches thought that no one was around in the center.. They had to go for lunch so I left the place for them. I had to go for lunch either. I had seen a place where they sell lunch at only 4500 won so I headed for the place. The place was such awesome place for gymmers like me. I needed a lot of food intake, especailly during lunch time. Lunch time was the only time allowed for me to take a lot of proteins, carbohydrates and all. It was buffet type of restaurant where I could just put in all the dishes I want to eat on my plate. The dishes were all not bad. I filled my plate till I could hardly carry it back to my seat. no just kidding. I've gymmed. Carrying a plate is nothing for me.
After finishing such satisfying meal, I dropped by at the bank to send the money to the football center for this month. Then, I moved to the gym. Getting there was comparatively easier than it was the last time. Maybe it was because I had to go slowly this time due to slippery floor.
Getting to the gym, had a few minutes of rest and moved on for my workout routine. It was the first time that I completed all the series I learned from the trianer. I was always rushing for time as I used to go gym either before work or after work. There was always not much time for gym.
Dropped by at the library to spend an hour watching a drama and reached home. I maintained the poker face... I did not want to open up. Of course, mom and seemed sense that I was behaving weird and asked if anything had happened. But I said no... Time flew fast afteer such busy day and now I am typing out my story of the day.
I need to go temple and LG service center tomorrow. Tomorrow will be another full day of business. Thank you for days..
Goodnight..
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 39
Hi midnight..
Another midnight on a Sunday night here in Suwon..
Snows.. dropping from the sky filling up the dark colors on the street... Brightens up the night of the city. Snows falling down from the sky, always make my heart flutter... It doesn't matter how old I am.. Seeing the white city of the town, it whitens my heart too..
Woke up early in the moring about 8. It was an early time considering I had slept around 2am the last night. Had such a heavy dinner the last night, I had to take time to digest the food and force myself for a sleep. Even when I was up in the morning, I had nothing much to do for the day. I had no work, I wasn't allowed for church by mom, and I didn't know whether there was Sunday league football today as the weather was pretty cold. Lazed out all the way till mom and dad left for my aunt's birthday party. Sis and I were left alone home and I was asked to cook lunch for her. It was pretty simple, as mom cooked rice and soup the last night and all I had to is to boil them and ask sis to set up the table. After eating one bowl of rice, we decided to eat further by like boiling two noodles and even managed to finish that. Hana eats really a lot.
When mom came back, it was about four, and I had to leave for gym. I was pretty lazy to leave home as it was too far and outside was always cold in winter. However, I can't be lazy. I shouldn't be. I paid for it. Reluctantly wore on my jackets and headed for gym. As soon as the door is closed after bidding farewell to mom, as soon as I get to face the winter's wind, I am a different person. No longer the kid at home, who acts like a child and talks like a child. Then I thought, maybe the reason why I avoid showing who I am outside to parents is because I am so different when I'm with parents and friends. The way I talk, walk, and beahve all different. Maybe... that is why I avoid... Thinking of Hana always bringing her friends home and interacting with mom, I realised the reason behind was that she was the same home and outside. One lesson that I had known for such long time yet not putting into practice.. It has got to come into a real deal where I quit behaving like a child. Really..
Had about 2hours of gym and left for home. I was home and dinner time came so soon. Although I was quite determined not to be a kid anymore before entering the door, it wasn't easy. "Mama I'm homeeee". The habit I've been having for so long is really a hard one to change.
This behaviour most probably started when I was hmm around at the end of Sec 3. I had a thought that time that I am no longer cute or no longer charming to my parents. Even looking at myself, I was no longer small like those children and kids who get love from their parents. I guess that was the time I began behaving like those child ...trying to not disappoint(?) my parents that I am grown-up. I thought that time that trying to make myself behave like child was the way to let parents not be annoyed by me or sth like that... That is lasting till now...
When we all were talking during meal, mom and dad kept emphasized in any conversation I brought up that Hana was such a deep-inside person. I just kept silent... She had an indirect intention to compare me with her.. as she usually does.. There were really several criticisms I got tonight... Like this is one of the reason I do not like talking to mom because she faces everything into reality and breaks a conversation with a negativisms. I told her that I love my job teaching kids and she suddenly started saying by how much a family needs to earn a month to make a living for a family of four people. She was trying to say that I can't love this job. I can't do this job for life. I can't be a kindergarten teacher. Well I myself do not have an intention to become a kindergarten teacher too.. I just needed someone to tell my feelings and lead up to my conclusion that I do not want to be a kindergarten teacher like how I'd thought the previous night. I just needed..someone to talk to. I really am not going to open up to my family.. I hope I won't anymore.. The more I try to open the more I get hurt from it by the face of negative mindsets.
I came back to my room to use computer after dinner. Using computer.. watching tv, all seemed meaningless to me. I was merely staring at the screen blankly. I wasn't enjoying it.. Then I thought what I would love to do.. what would excite me... The answer was clear. The answer was to play football..but what came more appealing to me was going for work. Going for work.. interact with the kids I love everyday, talk to the co-workers.. have some conversations..gain friends... But gaining friends in an intention of getting a girlfriend is indeed different. Its indeed not the right time... I can never justify myself that I am an adult and get a girlfriend. It hasn't even been long to recover from my previous relaionship's pains...but more than this.. I myself ain't ready for relationship. Even when I was in for my first relationship, which is the previous one, I wasn't ready for relationship. I was just a boy looking at the mirror all the time, only pursuiting for other people's recognition. I ... indeed am not ready... It's not the right time too.. THis time of my life can be the most important time for me... Going to new school. Failing in here could mean there is no other ways out... and ... more than anything. I would forget to recover from previous failures. I would just be a person who is used to the pain for failure and forget the sufferings of the failures... Emotionally I am not ready too.. as a Person I m not ready too.. As a student I ain't ready too... There are relationships that I need to get it right before I move on too...
It's going 12am in the midnight and the night in my heart is dark. Waiting for the lighthouse that can brighten up my heart... not a girl, not a success but.. the pure happiness.. from purely myself...
Goodnight...
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsdRD2VYGkE
Hi midnight...
What woke me up was the sound of dad waking my mom up. The alarm clock I set, using mom's phone awoke dad first before mom could wake up. Mom wanted to wake up earlier than I, to prepare my breakfast. I kept the things I needed for work and gym after work and left home. It was 7:50 in the morning when I left. Having a bike made life way much more convenient. I was able to travel any place I wanted even that would a tiring journey.
As I got on the train, there were way fewer people today. I thought it was because I left home late but I realised that today was weekend. I leaned against the wall and sat on the banister. I took out my book to read them. Listening to good music, reading good stories was one of the best morning I can ask for.
Reached the workplace and it was still earlier than my work time. I reached when it was 9:10 and I was like 20 mins earlier than time. There was the part-timer at the counter and my work senior at the counter too. As soon as I reached, the senior ordered me to carry a children's car back to the office. I carried it back and wore my work shirt. As I was leaving, the part-timer girl came to find me at the office. She asked me whether I had five 1000 won notes. I checked my wallet and told her that I do not have five. I do not know why but I was way more comfortable when talking to her compared to other Korean girls. She was hmm I do not know what is going on but she didn't seem fat but looked bulk and big. Like horizontally. She was quite pretty too. I managed to make some jokes and carry out the conversation while the two of were walking back to the counter. I got another order from my senior and today I was given a walkie-talkie! I began using them at any means. I used that to talk to the person just in front me too. It was the first time I was given such great item. I felt so professional.
Work began and for today, I was assigned to be in charge of the concert hall. This place was the biggest place of all that I felt it was too big for me to cover. However, as I got to know of the job scope in this place, the job I had to were plain and simple. I only had to ask the kids to throw the dice and help the kids to learn the words that were on the board. I was given the earliest lunch time as I reached the second earliest today. Had a lunch with the new girl who came today, Hyeji sister and the senior boss. As we were eating, we realised that we all had an experience of staying abroad except the senior boss. The new girl stayed in USA for about two years in Arizona and Hyeji, whom I was most curious where she had stayed due to her proper American accent, stayed in Indonesia for about four years. I was so happy to know that she was from Indonesia. I felt like I was meeting someone from my hometown. Indonesia was near to Singapore and there were lots of similarities in the culture. Talked about the food, shopping malls, habits and all.. Didn't know how the lunch time passed so quickly.
After lunch as I was working, I saw the girl who was same age as me wearing her jackets and carrying her bag and going out with the senior boss. She seemed so depressed that I really thought she was fired when she was going home as she was sick.
I had quite a several changes in my station and for the last one, I was given to take the 'Roller Station', where kids would go inside a big roller and roll about themselves. There were only three rollers and one roller could only take three kids per time. However, unlike yesterday, there were loads of children waiting to take this roller. They loved riding this roller. Handling the job got much difficult when parents intervened in. There were considerate parents who actually cooperated with the rules but there were lots of parents wanting their kids to go in first and taking out the other kids from the roller, coming inside the station to help the kids roll and all. Sometimes, the kid just got into the roller without asking me and there were like four people in one roller. Having seen that the kid just get into the roller without asking, I fumed up. I really fumed up to see kids trying to get in to the roller while the other kids who were previously in the roller had yet to come out. I finally did something that I regret till now. Althought it was really small thing and did not cause any silence in the atmosphere or anything. I got angry and told the kids to wait outside the station saying that you all do not listen and do things by yourself. It was the very first time I ever got serious so I kinda felt guilty after that on.. What's the use if I can't deal with kids properly.... when my job is that.
When it was around 5:40, the senior boss told me through the walkie-talkie that I can go home earlier as I reported for work way earlier than the others. As I was leaving, I thought that it could be the final chance for me to talk to her... I got the courage to talk to and approached her. Had a few conversation and I found out her residence. She lives in Namyangju. That's the only info i have of her. I do not even know her full name properly. I quickly searched how to get to work from her city when I got home and realised it was the opposite direction from my house... Ha... so bad. so bad..
After work, I got to the gym to work out before going home. However, there was one more impt thing than gym. There was an Asian cup match bet Korea and Australia. Both teams qualified for the next round but it was like deciding whether we meet an easier opponent at the next round or not. When I reached the gym center, there was a huge TV screen showing the match and the score was 1:0! Korea leading the game!!! I quickly asked the uncle who scored the goal and I ran up to the gym with the key. There was TV in front every running machines so I rusehd for it. Watched the last 20 mins of the game and did some work outs and reached home. Ate such such heavy dinner that I do not think I can get for sleep so early tonight.
Tomorrow ... I have no work. I gotta find out what to do tomorrow tonight...
Goodnight everyone...
Friday, January 16, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 37
Hi midnight..
Today was the real time where I woke up real early. Only woke up at 6 to prepare myself to go gym. I went for gym in the morning and left for work. As I was about to leave home for gym, I told mom and dad that I actually have a bike so they do not need to worry me, getting beaten in the street as it was pretty dark. Mom frightened and dad was calm as usual. I do not understand why mom is so unhappy with the idea that I am having a bike. She told me that she feels inconvenient to place our bike at other people's house. I do not understand how is that causing inconvenience to the owner.
Had a rushing time in gym as I was again kept going to toilet for bowel movements. Reached for work and as I was walking to the center from the train stop, someone shook his umbrella so obviously directing to me. It was my colleague who was like 3 years older than me. I was hoping it would be the girl I talked to yesterday. When you come around the same time for work, you get to go home together, you get to eat lunch together. I was having a slight hope nevertheless of the commitments I made the last night. I'm crazy. Even on the way to the train, I was keep thinking of her and thinking of what to say.... and keep thinking what actions I should make to her... Ha..
Reached the place and I found her standing. I approached to talk to her with the conversation I prepared according to my assumption of her replies. Things went crudely wrong. She totally gave me a different reply. It was really unexpected then I kinda panicked and just walked away. The whole day was just awkward with her and work ended that way. There was another girl who wanted to know me yesterday, came to talk to me today. She was the same age as me and always tried to talk to me. I hope to be friends with the both of them. I hope that sometime I can hangout with them and enjoy having meal and everything like how normal Korean adults do... I've never had a Korean friend who was like those Koreans in Korea. I wanted to have such friends... Hais...
There was one real bright thing today though.. As usual kids loved me.. and when I was about to end work, I saw a mom who took photo of her two sons all the day. I approached her to say bye and she began talking to me by asking my age as I looked young. and she asked me whether I do love kids even off the work.. I got humble and I mumbled..and she told me that I was really really good at handling with kids. I was so thankful for her words.. but this praise that she gave me.. brought me a much clearer view of my visions. I found out that I love kids.. and good dealing with them. This actually gave me a thought..that I shouldn't be a kindergarten teacher or childcare center teacher.. When this job becomes my work, one of the great traits I have which is loving kids, become just a deed due to work not by nature. It becomes such that I love kids just for the sake of work, but not purely loving them. This gave me a clearer thought of how my future job should be.
Left for home and now,, I am typing my day...
How would tomorrow be like.. I'm really glad that I'm working tomorrow as having a tomorrow means that I am given another chance to make friends with them.. Be yourself youngsub if you want to last long as friends with them. You won't be able to enjoy being friends if you are not yourself. Of course you do need to alter yourself according to the situation but rmb to stick to yourself. And be more confident talking to them. and be their true friends.. Hope that. I can know them more and better tomorrow.. not a time for myself to look a better person from them..
Goodnight..
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 36
Hi midnight.
Today was another day full of actions.
Woke up in the morning with a wake call from mom. Mom woke up early in the morning around 6:30 as she wanted to prepare breakfast for me. She prepared the dish that I had to eat as I was building up my body. It was steak with two fried eggs just for breakfast. It was a heavy one but I didn't mind having them as long as I can grow my muscles. I left home when it was around 7:40. I wouldn't be late as I had bike now to travel to the nearest mrt station. It was about 5-10 mins of bike journey through the dawn's winds... Nobody at this time.. the only one driving this street.. I go past the winds..the only one on this street is me and my shadow..
Reached the Hwaseo train station and I had a sudden urge for a bowel movement. I stopped by at the toilet in the station. One great thing about Korea's train stops were that there was trash can, convenience store, and toilets. I quickly moved on to take the train and allowed myself to travel under the music. I soon reached the venue and once again! when I reached the venue, my stomach asked for another vowel movement. Maybe it was because I ate too much this morning. Had a several vowel movements along the way and reached my workplace around 9:35. I still wasn't late so much. I was like the third last to reach today. However, the other girl came even later than I did! I was given a choice to choose which station I would want to go for! It was really an essential one deciding whether I will be able to gym after this or not as one of the two station was somewhat not a favourable one. That unfavourable one was the one I did the last week. The pool was made of wood and as you walk it gives you an effect of massaging along the way. Without a single hesitation, I chose the other one which has balls in the pool. It was much of a better job. When children come to my station, all I need to do is to give them the sticker I have which illustrates the shape of sponge that they need to collect and present to me, and I just check whether they can pronounce those figures properly and that was it.
Job went smoothly. There was fewer people compared to the other time and this time was kids coming in groups, like a group of kindergarten kids. It was much better to control as I could just talk to the kids using the giga-phone and giving them the instruction only a time, unlike the other day where I had to tell each kids on what to do.
It is always great feeling to be loved, liked and praised by the kids or their parents. One time, the dad of the five kids came up to me and told me that his kids love this place the most so asked me to come up with some other games so they can have longer time with me. I was such glad to hear praises like that.
As work was ending, the leader asked me whether I can help him to do vacuum cleaning for the whole place, 30mins before the end of the job. I told him I would and brought out the vacuum cleaner and the long rope to plug in the vacuum cleaner. Oh ya.. before this.. I was given a short break of about 10 mins, to rest in the office. As I was resting in the office, a girl colleageu came in the room and I like usual stood up to greet her, as I wanted to show all respects and not make any troubles with the girls. I had this thought in mind the last night..that I should change... I shouldn't talk to girls so often..stop being so friendly to them...and stop making female friends.. I began to realise myself cliquing more with female friends and the worse thing was that I was forgetting how to make friends with guys and began to avoid guy friends. Also, I did not want to be involved in any kind of relationship thing.. I do not want to be involved in such again... I wouldn't know what would happen when a girl appears and I get infatuated with her.. I wouldn't know what would happen then.. Thus, I thought that when I go for work today, I should just greet them nicely giving all respects and just talk to the guys. However when the girl came in... She began talking to me. She was really pretty. hmm.. she wasn't having so much make-ups like usual Korean girls but she was pretty. She was having white skin long hair, and just pretty face with a height about me. Actually she was the prettiest I saw in this center since the time I worked in here. She asked me of my age and I found out that she was younger than me. I was oppa to her. I've been bowing down greeting her all these time thinking that I was the younger one. Time changed...and I get to be the older one in the society now... Anyways, I carried the vacuum cleaner and as I was cleaning, I saw her.. In a hope to get closer to her.. Ha.. I'm crazy.. I promised myself not to make friends with girls but I was already talking to her.. I kind of tried to be mischeivous with her by asking her to bow to me as I was the older one. Then the conversation began and somewhat we were communicating.. I could feel that I can talk to her although she wasn't the type that I liked.. Finished cleaning the whole place together with her and that was the end. Work ended and I left for home. When I was again alone in the train going home, flashing back what I'd done, I sighed and hit my head regretting...Ha... Why even talk to her! I do know all these regrets are damn useless as I know I will be talking tomorrow too. But just remember Youngsub... You do not have to be someone you are not when facing her and you do not need to try to get close to her. You do not like her. You indeed do not want her as your girlfriend or a married partner. So don't try too hard.
Skipped gym after work as I was too tired and postponed it for tomorrow.
Hope I can wake up early tomorrow morning and go for gym and have a pleasant day.
Thank you for today..and..
Goodnight..
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Midnight in Suwon - Day 35
Going to plan a trip when it reaches Day 50.
haha just wanted to remind myself as that's the thought that came up just now.
Youngsub, for ur info, you are feeling quite bad now, at this time. You just had a quarrel with mom and you are feeling bad....
This morning woke me up with a plan that I had in mind. Those plans I made the last night. I had to wake up at 7:30 to have a heavy breakfast to ready myself before a vigorous exercise day. I had to reach the football centre for a free trial by 10. It was a 30 mins distance off from my house by bike so I wanted to leave home around 9:30. I only woke up at 8 and I thought that it was too late to eat something heavy as I will vomit them out while playing football. Had a light breakfast of corn flakes and read some articles and left home when it was around 9:25. I prepared all the gears and left home secretly. It was a top secret to be going there. Mom didn't know about me going to the football center to learn football. She is even mad about the idea of me watching football, she would indeed be mad with me enrolling for football lessons.
Riding on the bike, I travelled to the center looking on the photos of the map that I took on the phone the last night. As it was first time travelling there, it was pretty confusing to find the way out. I had to ask the residences to sort out the directions. Travelling places all on my own, I am getting to further the places I've been in Suwon. It was such hard way getting there. As I was travelling with bike, there were lots of uphill roads and downhill roads. Although the downhill roads made my bike journey pleasant for that moment, there were worries in me to think how I should climb this back on the way back. As I was travelling, this place seemed familiar. Then I realised, this place was the place I walked up all alone when I had run away from home during my Olevel retaking period. That was the toughest time in my life. Had so much quarrel with parents as we disagreed to almost everything with each other. Everytime a quarrel happened, I always resorted to escaping from home and sleeping outside. That time too, I wanted to live on my own and thought that I should start working so I can earn the money to live on my own.
I finally reached the center after such long and exhausting journey. It took me about 40mins and when I got down from the bike, my legs were shaking. I knew this free trial today is going to be a waste as my body condition was already like that. I entered the center and the center's ground was all filled with grass. The coach directed me into the room and I changed into my football boots to join the training with other adults. It was an adult's class, and it was only 10 in the morning, there were only three people there to exercise. I joined them and finished all the drills that took about an hour. After resting for so long, following up with the drills were pretty hard. After the training, I had talks with the other coaches about the training systems and how the fees were like. Just then, when I was talking to the person, I became hesitant to tell him that I want to register... This thought came up....that what ... if ... what I like the most .. and what I craved the most is not football...
What if .. I actually like other things more...like musical and dancing.... Maybe it was because I did not have a satisfying time during trainings due to my lack of physical ability. I decided to postpone my decision and left the center. I went out of the building and heard a growling sound from my stomach. My first plan was to gym first before I eat my lunch. However I was too hungry to go for gym as I only had a light one for my breakfast. I held my stomach and tried to find any cheap place where I can eat my lunch. As I was gymming now, I tried to keep myself with a proper diest for every meal. Lunch had to be veg, meat and carbs according to my ex-trainer, Muhammad Ikhwan. Looking for a cheap place like 3000won that sell this was a hard-to-find. I decided to just rush to the gym and just have my lunch when I park my bike around there. I took a seat, had a rice-spicy pork-veg for lunch. Then, I carried my exhausted body again to the gym. At the time when I was carrying my body to the gym, I was already dying out. There was no more energies left for me to do anything. I was so tired of more than an hour of cycling up the uphills finding the direction to gym and the football center and an hour of practice at the center.
I walked up the staircase to the gym like a zombie. Reached the gym and I changed up and just took a seat at the bench... just breathing... Only breathing... I tried to save all the energies I can by not opening my eyes big, not sitting up straight and not moving. After 30mins of not doing these, I walked out and tried to find a trainer who can guide me out as the uncle taught me ytd and I lost my chance learning from the trainer. It was really great to have come in the noon as there were way fewer people in the gym compared to that time. I was able to get a one-on-one attention from the lady trainer and learned all the steps to do the exercises. The lady trainer was a current body-builder athlete. I was really glad to have find the right trainer in here as it was bit different when I registered for the gym that was nearby my house. That trainer was tall and caring but had not much of physical appearance that convinced people he was a trainer.
Learning all the steps, and repeating those, I bathed myself and left the gym. The water that sparked
out from the shower was like honey flowing down. That's how accomplished I felt.
I, then moved onto do the next step. I visited the library that was just beside the gym. As usual, I began scanning all the places and found a place where people can use their laptops. The right place for me! I put my laptop and began doing all those stuff that I usually did. I realised this place could come into a great use on days like today where I finish gymming and the time is still early.
Spent about an hour and left for home. It was 5:30 yet I was dying out. There was totally no more energies left and I really felt home as mom welcomed me with steaks and I lied on a comfortable silky blankets.
However, this pleasure did not last so long. Mom suddenly told me that I will have to go and renew my passport soon. I told her I already renewed and mom made some unhappy remarks about me going around places while she thought I was in the library all day. I told her that it was because she didn't care about me. I could feel the atmosphere changed from hot summer to Philippines' June's damn hot summer. Mom stared at me and I tried to avoid her eyes. She couldn't control her emotions and began screaming and shouting. I, too confessed all the unhappy things I had that I kept within myself.. there were a series of quarrel and I was left alone in this room typing my diary while sis and mom was having fun time tgt in the master room. The cold war only broke when dad came home with 'Honey butter chip' which is a super popular chip in Korea that is hard to get. He gave it to sis and sis brought this to my room to give it to me. Mom followed up and I asked for one and somehow the atmosphere smoothed down. Luckily, the day is closing on a comparatively happier note. Hope for another fulfilling day tomorrow. Hope that I can mingle well with the guys at work. I want to have some guy friends in Korea.
Goodnight..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)