Sigh.
Mom is always like that.
sensitive and emotional breaks down the whole family's atmosphere.
But I got to listen to what she says too.. Although she says in a cruel manner and all.. and her actions delay all things and all.. at times what she says is right.. at most times.
She is angry that I won't be able to handle my studies when I'm there as I'm not doing here in Korea. I justify that is cos it's holidays but it isn't true. At first when I came here.. I was studying indeed.. reading books and all.. But now.. Look at yourself.. True that I am engaged in other things like football and playing with friends.
Remember what Un Young told me the other night when we were having dinner at Chongshin Uni.. She told me that it is right that I do the things I wanted but it isn't right if I miss out things that I have to do...
Remember it and focus and change too...
When I woke up this morning.. mom prepared breakfast. I usually don't eat breakfast so I denied eating but she told me she cooked seaweed soup as it's my bday. Like really out of nowhere it's my bday. I didn't even know it's my bday. She told me that today's my bday by some lunar calendar. I ate it and while eating we had another quarrel. Mom noticed me that aunt is coming home tonight. I was supposed to meet Jun today and she didn't even tell me about it. I had made my appointment first and she didn't even ask me about it. The quarrel began again. She wasn't happy that I was going out so much for the main reason. She denies it but yes she is angry cos of that. And came back to yesterday's night that I had dinner with the lady. She called her stranger. To her she thinks is stranger but to me is a fate...
She wouldn't understand a single thing.. When quarrels happen... I really hate staying here.. I'm too used to living on my own and living alone Ha....
After a quarrel.. I felt exhausted and just left for football. My normal routine would be to go to gym .. but today... I really couldn't... I really didn't want to. I dropped by at Suwon station and had lunch and thought what I should do. Before.. when I was teen and when I was feeling down.. I would go to Lan shop and play game.. But I wasn't interested in that anymore.. I rather do sth that would leave me sth. I thought that I should go and catch a movie. I got to the cinema that was nearby and checked whether there was any nice movies to watch and one movie that caught my eyes was.. 50 shades of grey. I do not know anything about that movie but only heard so often from my friends.. I quickly bought that ticket and watched the earliest one so I could be on time at home for dinner.
The movie wasn't for teens.. I wanted to leave in me like... how the person would be thinking when she or he said that... and leave somewhat that can make me think... while watching.. I fell asleep again like usual. Sadly.. the part that I missed was the most crucial one where the girl went into Grey's game room asking him the worst he has. I only woke up to see the girl saying goodbye to Grey at the lift and saying No. Then the movie ended. I wasn't sure what's going on but rushed to get out of the cinema... Hmm.. I don't knowwhy but I was pretty embarrassed that I was watching this kind of movie... Thinking through after leaving the cinema.. the only thing that left in me after watching was just like hmm... I dind't learn or leave any thoughts.. it was just the same feeling like watching something that was obscene.
But still...no regrets..it's the movie of my choice.
Got to the gym and I only bathed before leaving. I really had no energy for any exercise today.
Got home and dad and mom was standing in front the house door. They were about to leave to go to some restaurant. Then. she told me that my aunt isn't coming... Sigh.... I cancelled appointment with Jun cos I thought outsiders are coming.. and now this is what happened. All the way from then I didn't talk to mom. Mom being super sensitive this would take damn long. I just hope that my flight dates come faster.. This is childish of me... but ha... yeah i'm still immature. I supposed to be learning from her nags.. not complain and be angry about it..
I've made appointment to meet Jun and I still haven't notified her. I know she will be realy pissed off but I don't want to tell her. Maybe just leave a SMS tomorrow when I'm out for work. I know she will be really pissed off... Ha...
Sad night..
Goodnight..
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