Midnight in Suwon - Day 56

The midnight is here oh god..


I just feel terrible about what just happened a few hours ago.


I was supposed to get my hair cut tomorrow at Jun's mom's shop as she owns a barber shop.


I bosted it to all my workmates and was busy choosing what clothes to wear for tomorrow and what hair I should get tomorrow. But damn! He messaged me back like an hour ago that I can't come tomorrow. He told me to come on next Tuesday. Im sick of this already... Sick of him..always postponing, cancelling, and changing the appointments. All in a last minute notice.. I'm really sick of this. Always being high up risen by the thought of meeting a friend and always get down by him cancelling... I'm really damn sick of this man. I just feel terrible and had to scold him nicely tonight. I couldn't take it. It wasn't the first time him doing this kind of postponing and cancelling.. Damn..


I just feel so angry and just don't want to do anything now and tomorrow either.


Ha...


Many things happened today..


Gymmed in the morning.. Went to work. And when I got to work. as I came back for work like in a week since I had left for a trip, they were like so happy to see me. Like welcoming me so much. I guess they missed me like how I missed them. Indeed, the workplace should have been quiet without me as I was the only one causing troubles here and there. Work ended when it was 5:30. I finished work together with Un Young, who is my interview colleague. The more I talk to her the more I feel she is nice person . LIke not those kind of nice thoughts and behavior but like nice friend. Nice to talk to and make things all comfortable... Talking to her made me rather pressured.. Like she was such nice person glad person and great person to talk to that I felt like I was making her to waste her time or worried that I'm saying stupid things to take a person like her's time. Left her at Keumjeong station as I had to transit and checked my phone... It was super surprising.. Hee Jin my musical teacher... who I love a lot... the teacher I love the most... but whom I couldn't contact... because I had promised to her that I will do well for my second year in JC and failed to do so.. I felt embarrased to talk to her. I felt embarrassed to have not lived up to my words.. Not taking my promises for true.. I really felt bad.. I didn't talk to her for long... She took the first step to talk to me first. She just asked me where I am. I didn't have wifi so i wanted to reply her when I'm home. Then.. when I was alone, I wanted to call Eun Sun to talk. When we talk in Kakao talk she always reply late for every message and it wasn't really like we were talking.. And as  a friend I thought it was right to call her and just talk to her.. I missed her at work today either.. She wasn't around and as all the internship people like Eun Sun quitted, there were all the new people. I missed her a lot..


However, my heart told me not to do so. Not to call her now. Whatever inspirations I had, I shouldn't... if my heart told me not to do so. Firstly I felt bad that like hmm... although un young who came all the way till transitting station isn't my girlfriend... I just kinda felt that having too many girls around me.. seemed like hmm.. a playboy i don't know.. I do not like both of them as like girlfriend but just that they being girl.. I thought I shouldn't.. and like... I always used to feel that when leaving a person... I shouldn't straight away take my phone out and check it as that could be seen as if I was bored while I was with that person. And like ...hmm. its hard to describe but yeah.


Reached home in many thoughts... Confused...


As soon as I reached, I had my dinner and.. firstly contacted Eun Sun through Kakao talk just asking what she's up to and I opened facebook to reply to my teacher. Ha.. didn't know what much to say. I slowly told her what was happening.. and so fortunately she understood me... After a while's conversation, we decided to meet next next Monday. At first, we could have met next monday but because of the GOD DAMN oh I can't control my Anger HAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA. Because the perming at Jun's shop postponed to next tuesday, I wanted to look nice when meeting her, I made it to next next monday.


Ha... I just can't take this man. He always does this. Postponing. sudden cancelling, sudden delaying and all... Like I've gone through this too often... Ha...


But still... spend tomorrow like I was supposed to spend it that way...


Goodnight and... Love you Youngsub..