Day 59 today... and can call it a special day if I can say a birthday is a special day.
Woke up in the morning with mom's sudden call. I was so tired yesterday that I just fell asleep forgetting to set the alarm clock. When I woke up, it was like 7:30 in the morning. Luckily, it was the time that I was supposed to wake up. Gym only opened at 9am on weekends so I didn't have to go gym before work. Quickly washed my hair, had an apple for breakfast and I headed for work. Not having to bathe and waking up so late and in a rush.. I felt like something was missing as I was going... like hmm the preparedness..
Reached work hoping that I will do my best still whatever the feeling I had. And prayed to God.. to give me more troubles today... more mistakes... as I'm not afraid to get criticized ... but more than happy to learn from the mistakes that I make.
Reached work... and began with getting scolds from the boss. Just from then on... I guess somewhat... I was dispirited... Maybe.. this was the time I lost ... the three Ks.. Keep that right heart.. Keep that hardworking mind... and keep that smiles on...
Although my brain forces me to forget what had happened.. My body remembers... The kind of scolds that he gave me yesterday kinda made me to block away from him.. like avoiding to talk to him. From then on.. whenever he talked to me.. I knew he was coming with that face to scold me. I really didn't like it. I only showed face that I was listening and replied short yes yes yes. The problem came when I was pumping the air inside the roller. There is a barricade at the station to block the kids from coming in during the pumping time but I didn't like the idea of letting the kids stand outside while waiting for me to pump... Like... I wanted to let the kids play around freely... but things were different. The kids pulled my pump and the pump that was already damaged made sparks. and it was seen by the boss. He asked all the kids to leave the station and put on the barricade and talked to me, emphasizing how dangerous the situation was. This case was a real serious one and one that I should have apologized... but having to get scolded so often for all things... I kinda lost control... and things he said.. didn't come into my mind... I didn't even stand properly when he was talking. I kinda showed face that you were doing this agian. He told me to get the tape from the office and I went to get it. When I came back, he told me to go and get this pump changed with the other one at the other station. I brought the pump to change it with the other one and he followed me a little while later. He asked me where's the tape. I clearly remember he didn't tell me to tape it. Like... when I brought the tape to the station.. he asked me to just wait there and when he came back he asked me to go and change it with the one at the other station. He gave me the stare again as if I was doing work foolishly... Although I always had in mind of having the right attitude and smiles on... I really couldn't take it. I told him it's at my station and he told me to go and get it. I was kinda pissed off and walked away. He called me as I was walking but I didn't turn back... This pissed him off to and shouted at me. I began to realize the situation and got back and he began scolding vulgarities... He asked me to replace other guy at the other station to just hand over my job and asked me to do different station. Ha...
He came back to me a little while later to just tell me about the things I should be aware when handling that station. I apologized as soon as he ended talking. He cut my words as I was saying it saying that what was done is done. But I knew his personality is not like what was done is done. Unlike the other boss, who screams and scolds vulgar like kind of not hiding anything he got... this boss was the kind that tried to be nice showing he is different from the other boss. He saying he is cool about it only meant he still had it in his heart...
If this had happened a year ago,.. .I would have been shivering fidgeting and nervous throughout that I can't do anything.. But now I was different. Although I couldn't really like be normal like the other days.. treating the kids... I didn't really like had that scolding time in my head.. Like.. I was kind of okay with it and moved on. A while later.. the other boss came up to me and scolding vulgars too.. He told me if I want to quit I should just quit. And walked away a while later. A bit later on, the boss who scolded me came up to ask me to follow him. He asked my friend at the counter to give him his cigarette and walked out of the door. He brought me to the backstreet. I was kinda scared actually but believed in myself as I had been gymming faithfully these days. He lighted up his cigarette and began talking his words. Saying that the other boss who had higher authority told him to make me quit. This boss had already told the other boss about what had happened... like. so fast.. He then told me that he told the other boss not to make me quit as he doesn't want such to happen. And told me to get my focus back from next week and work better. Prove that I am changed... Telling me... I am to live in Korea from now... gotta change my mind.. gotta understand faster... and gotta get things done fast... The short conversation ended quick. I thought whether this was the time to apologize... but didn't feel like it was the time. Saying it that time...would only tell me forget it... He would see it insincere...
I got back to the office.. and the work just continued on. While the time was passing like that.. I heard someone calling the highest boss' name through the walke-talkie. I was kinda shocked. Shocked that someone calls his name so rudely like that. It was the higher peronnel from the company in charge of this exhibition. He had come down to the exhibition to check how the work was going on. He told our boss that why all the workers are passive about work not active and scolded the boss that all things are messed up and asked him to quickly report to him at the counter. From what I had heard from my friend who was at the counter.. he kinda scolded him F and all... Damn..
Having to hear this through the walkie-talkie.. I realized he is going to be damn angry.. I did know his anger would all come to us.. And especially having to cause this kind of trouble... I knew I was going to get .... ha.... ya..
Work ended and the boss told us we are going to have a meeting so expect to end work late. The meeting was simple. It was walking around the work place and him discussing again about the duties. Every single details. Considering how badly he got scolded from his boss... the way he talked to us was really in a nice manner though he was rash and used some vulgar along the way. When he ended the meeting... he called me up and told me he will see how I work from next week. But told me not to get dispirited. Never to get dispirited. He knew I was bright. He didn't want me to get dispirited. But damn I was confused man.. I answered him a short yes with a poker face and told me that I don't have balls to stand up and smile and talk. He said a man should shout out with smiles. He said people who want to scold wouldn't scold if the person you are scolding is smiling. But .... really what man.. he scold me last time when I was laughing when scolding me. I gave him the right smile. And he like wnated to slap me saying he is not at a mood to joke. I'm so confused..
I didn't say a single rebuttal and got home with my counter colleague. She is my interview mate. She told me about all things happened today. Hearing her. and the other friend who worked at different station.. a lot of things happened today actually. One got scolded as she was accused for hitting the kid... our boss got scolded... and I ignored my boss. and all... I was kind of not so in a good mood but on the way home.. talking to my interview mate my mood began to light up. She is such joyful person. She talks a lot. Reached home... forgetting today was my birthday. Mom wanted the family to go out and have a meal but it was already 8:30 pm when I reached home. Too late to go out. Received all the happy birthday messages... Thank for every single of them...
And thank God.. for a birthday like this... where I learned so much.. in whatever way... especially that I'm still weak... still weak... to control myself....Still immature...
I should learn more... Thank God... I'm given chance to learn..
Thank you...for today...
and...
Goodnight...
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