Watching the Year-End award event for KBS at the master room with sis and mom, forgot about writing the diary. Luckily mom noticed me about it and came down to the room to type.
Today was all about part-time job too. Waking up in the morning about 9, it was awkward again due to a fight the last night. Mom and I had a quarrel because of me watching football. Boxing day which means there are a lot of matches within these few days for EPL, triggered me to watch some of the big matches. Plus that, there was one game that my house cable broadcasted on TV. As I had control of the remote control I quickly changed the channel into football. Mom began scolding me madly. She thought all the reasons for me failing in JC was football. It was partly correct but not all correct. She didn't like the idea of me doing anything that's involved in football. Exercise, watching and everything. Mom got fussed up and just turned her head to the other side and forced herself for a sleep. I felt guilty. I just thought I shoudn't have watched it. Because of me watching this, it spoiled the mood. Also, as I was so tired from work, not after so long, I fell asleep.
Waking up in this awkwardness of this cold wind blowing, I woke up and ate breakfast. Left the house quickly and reached the library. As soon as I reached the library, I began reading the newspapers. After glancing at some of them, unlike usual days, I got back to the study room to do some studies. Although I had a phone on my hand, I was able to stay bit more focused than usual days, as I had managed to sit down for quite a time.
When it was 12:40, I left the library and walked slowly to the mall. It was 1pm and I didn't realize as I had enough time. I ran down again, when I realized it was late. The workmate alr reached and began giving out at the fourth floor and I changed myself into the uniform and began working. I started giving out the flyers passionately as I had the energiesfor it. I began roaming around to give as there start to have people keep refusing to take as most began saying they already received it. Althought it's already been three days and I do know how it is like when people receive flyers, it was still hurtful when people reject my flyers. At times, when they say in an annoyed way that they do not want it, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Time past really fast and was already five. My workmate who really keeps her time sharply, came up to the sixth floor for dinner. We roamed around for place to eat and realized there was actually a cafeteria for the workers. It was pretty cheap as it only cost about 4 dollar per meal. We got up and work began so fast at 6. When I came down to refill the flyers, the worker there helped me to refill. However, the amount was really enormous considering the number of people that rejected my flyers. The work usually finished at 8 but I thought I had to finish the flyers that were in my bag before I actually get back to the shop. I began distributing madly going across the whole 6th floor from one mall to the other mall. It was a hard process but even at 8 I still had a lot of flyers left in my shopping bag.
Thus, realizing I will never finish my job at this place, I brought the shopping bag and moved to the Suwon Subway station only wearing my Working T-shirt that was only long-sleeve. Hoping that a lot of people will get the flyers and fnish the job soon, I gave out passionately. Then, there came the reality of life and a lot of thoughts that came to my mind. So many people..of so many races.. walking past by briskly to get home after work or party... All rushing off and in the middle of it a stranger giving out flyers. Korean people were cold like how the winds were. I desperately asked every single person to get the flyers but even when they had empty hands, most rejected to get the flyers. At first, I was really angry and thought why would they do this. If they actually think that the one who is giving out is your own son or friend, you wouldn't do this. It was just a mere thought of begging for compassion. However, this thought changed into more of a reality. This was the reality I was facing now. This giving out flyer part-time job, is the only job that I struggled to get and the only job that I can take for now. Being only a middle school graduate, I am unemployable. A person with only of this record and carrer, there is not a place I can go. This is the truth and the reality. This is how my life is going to be for the rest of my life if my education stops here or fails from now. Everyday standing up at the street for 8 to 9 hours giving out flyers and seeing people's annoyed faces. At times, going out to the Subway station to give out flyers among the crowd that rejects most of the flyers I give. The cold wind blowing and I have to stand it. This is the reality of my life..currently. Hope this experience somehow, can help me grow.
My workmate called me halfway and I told her to go home first as I have works left. Then, she told me that our work is only till 8 so I can report back now. I got back to the shop exhausted. Changed back and met my workmate. As we were talking about work today, she wanted to talk to me for a bit longer. We went to a fast food restaurant and sat down for a while. As I had mom nagging me at home, I told her I can only stay for a while. She treated me an ice cream and we just talked about each other's interest and matters. We had some commnalities like hoping to work in Football team's admin. And once again, she was amazed the whole day that I could communicate with her. Seeing her, I could feel that she had lots of worries and sorrowness that she couldn't share with anybody here in Suwon. Living alone in here without parents, she seemed to be missing home somewhat. Maybe it is because I also do have experience of staying alone without family that allowed me to understand how she feel. Hope we can be greater friends.
As we were leaving the fast food restaurant, she suddenly asked me if I am to live till 90 years old, what would matter most to me except for cash. Without a moment of thought I told her Credit Card. She didn't want anything related to money so I told her respirator. I will need respirator to live so long till 90. Then, she said it shouldn't include anything of physical things and I wasn't able to answer her question. She told me to think till tmr and it was kind of homework.
What would matter most to me if I am to live till 90. Hmm... I guess it should be people around me. You don't live alone. Family, friends would most probably matter the most. I thank for the people I have currently in my life. All those people I met throughout in my life have taught me numerous lessons and they are the creators of Youngsub I am now. Hope I can be someone like that to other people and give help at some point in time.
The night is here again.And..
Good night...
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