Christmas is coming.
Although the christmas trees are in place either was i in Singapore or Korea, the snows that are on the ground heatens up the feeling of the Christmas. Carol songs played everywhere in every shop, the TV shows that air Christmas special adds on to the mood. Christmas has come once again.
What is a Christams to me... Christmas hmm what I could remember the most is family. Actually, mom and sis only. Dad being workaholic, he was at work regardless of Sunday or Monday, although he reached home relatively earlier. Watching Television shows on Christams with sis at home, seeing the snows dropping from the sky. White Christmas was pretty often from what I remember. Would at times go out to the school playground to play snowballs or build snow man. It's all the memories that lie in me.
Today began in the morning at about 9:30. It was pretty late and as soon as I woke up, I got to the other room to check my computer. I checked whether there was any job I could take. Contacting almost every job I could apply, I left the room for breakfast. I applied for all the jobs really with the spirit that I must take on something. I've been failing the job interviews and did not get back replies from the employers for so often. I'd thought, I shoud really get it. Finishing my breakfast, I washed my hair somewhat and prepared to go out. Carrying my bag, left home. There is always a feeling when closing the door. Me, being out on the world. Facing all the cold winds all on my own, without family. Such a weird thing, as it supposed to be the other way. Lived so long all on my own, I shouldn't be feeling lost when I'm out my house.
Reached library again and got to the cyber room straight ahead. I had to check all the new part-time job advertisements and contact them. After an hour or two, one of them contacted me. It was the flyer distributor that I had rejected when I had gone out with mom to the shopping mall. They told me that I am at the waiting list for the job. It was such weird receiving a call for being in the waiting list for a part-time job. I felt, they really were handling the job seriously. Another hour later, they called me back to confirm me about the job. I was sooooo glad that I finally got a job. It was such long way getting the job. I could feel the joy of a fresh graduates from college getting his first job in the world. I was that happy. Korea, hitting one million people with unemployment by number, I just realized the true reality of it. Even getting a part time job was so hard. Everytime I call the company directly, the call will always be held as most of them were already talking to other callers. It was that competitive. Thus, the more pleasant I got when I get accepted for this job. Later on, I got another call from a clothing retail shop that asked me to come for an interview with my resume. I had not much idea what to write for my resume so I listed down my experience of staying overseas and printed out with a photo that I took for application to SIM. Around 4pm, I left the library. I dropped by at the clinic to collect back my Health certificate as many employers wanted it. Then, I hurried myself to the retail shop at AK plaza. On walking, the thought of words that mom said kept wandering in my mind. 'You are full of fakes and pretense'. It came more damaging as I admit it is true to some extent. I was just afraid... people will see everything in me as fake...
I am not a nice person. Neither am I a funny person.
But, there is one thing I do stick into. Whether other people call me fake or not, it doesn't matter. They are speaking the truth but it still doesn't matter. Because, I am trying to be a nice person because I'm not. And I do believe that one day, as I try myself to become a nice person, one day the kindness and the nice attitudes would be lying on my spirit. I think.. staying as who you are and as a selfish person under the excuse that that is who you are isn't right. While, respecting everybody's personality, if I do have someone who I want to be, I feel, that I should strive to be one. Trying to be someone that who you are not, should be called as an effort, not pretense..
All those wild thoughts that reducing my confidence, I reached the retail shop. Although I kept reminded myself to be confident, it wasn't as easy. I faced the manager and she told me selling shouldn't be so easy. Normally, I would answer someone by giving an extravagant expression to impress someone.. But at that moment.. my mouth really couldn't say anything.. I was afraid of the words that mom told me.. I was afraid. that other people would say the same thing.. Because.. when more than two parties agree onto it, it becomes more convincing than one.
Awkward silence past and she broke the silence by saying that she would get back to me about the interview result by tonight. And till now at this point of time, I did not receive a call so I failed again.
On leaving the retail shop, I slapped myself and regretted. Why Why WHY Really WHY... Why did you youngsub... You already realized the feeling of regrets after the first job interview a week ago and why do this.. Why do things that would make you regret again... Ha... A low sigh came out and walked slowly to the bus stop.
Reached home, and mom was again there to open the door. I had my dinner and waited for dad to be home. It was christmas eve and mom wanted the family to go out to have a beer. While mom and I were waiting, dad called mom. While mom was talking, she screamed. I really hoped it was some good news. After waiting for sometime, realized it was some bad news as I heard mom scolding dad. It was a car accident that dad got. As dad was driving, another card tried to overtake dad's car and hit dad's car badly. The driver didn't stop by and just ran away. Dad drove to catch the hit-and-runner and he caught the driver. The part that mom was fussed up is that dad didn't call police. Dad did not want to make things known and just wanted to settle within the two of them. The runner told dad that he would pay by insurance and left. Mom was so angry that dad did not call police as the runner might run away again and not give the money for the repairment.
Dad reached home in silence and just smiled at me. Mom suddenly became silent too and she broke the silence by asking dad to sit for the dinner. The silence broke smoothly but mom and dad did not talk much about the car accident.
My sis reached home after her friend's bday party and we left to the bar. Mom ordered three beer and one sprite for sis, and like usual, the person asked me for my IC. Mom and dad was so used to this usual happenings and told them that I am no longer teenager. The person left us suspecting still. Ordered pizza and had a talk for a while and left the pub.
As we reached home, it was time for sis to do her work. Sis again, did not want to do any homework at all. It was the same time where I began getting lazy. I began not doing my work at all since Sec 4 which is like 16. She is 14 now so it came earlier. Maybe becos girls get puberty earlier. Since I was her teacher, she told me that she didn't wanna do her work at all as today is christmas eve. I knew how she should feel as even myself when I am the student, wouldn't wanna do any work. Willing for a negotiation, I asked her to take a seat for a talk. She shouted screaming that she doesn't wanna do any work. I compromised with her to finish her work tomorrow even though tmr is Christmas. I know it won't be as easy when it comes tomorrow. Tomorrow will be even harder as she goes out with her friends and is the actual christmas. I know compromise is another term for procrastination.. but having to know the feeling of doing works, I couldn't force her, as even I was not a hardworking student.
And now, I am writing this diary in the living room. Hearing dad's snoring and typing on the keyboard at this night.
Midnight is going to pass and its gonna be a christmas.
What is Christmas to you?
What memories do you have in Christmas?
Hope... it would be a caring one for one another to you..
Merry Christmas.
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